Haha, ooh you could be my very own personal helper buddy on here then!!! Well I am very lucky & very pleased to have met you. Just to warn you, I am a very complicated person & there is alot going on in this head all caused by the shit I’ve been through in life & hidden away as I have never had anyone that would listen.
I struggle discussing my emotions & refuse to cry infront of people because I feel it is weakness & because I have had to stay so strong for my son, I have just learnt to keep it all locked up & deal with everything by myself cause in 10 years, no matter how lovely they all start off saying they are, the ones that have been involved I’m my life always turn out to be delusional crazy people & I have never met anyone who has kept there word or ever understood me without judging & giving me advice about how shit I am, without knowing anything about me & my life & I’ve come to realise that the majority that are the first to drum the advice down your throat without having any previous knowledge are normally the ones that should be giving themselves the advice but are too close minded & up themselves to admit they are also just as fucked up!!!
I really would appreciate talking to someone about my son’s condition, I have done as much research as I can & try various different ways to helping him (like he has a notepad & mini dustbin for when he wants to say something but can’t, I’d do anything to stop him self harming when frustrated, so any suggestions or stories re: that would be a massive help. I have also kept that locked away until about 6 months ago… from him…
I didn’t feel he would benefit from knowing that young or be able to understand without freaking him out more & granted yes I probably left it a couple years too long but I felt so good to finally share this with him & not feel I am lying to him anymore & he was amazing, he definitely needed to hear it cause he’d obviously been thinking something wasn’t quite the same as the other kids & he just went “ah cool” & carried on as normal & now we can talk about it & we make jokes about the things I do & maybe mummy’s got Aspergers aswell!!!
We are very close & always as honest as I can be with him but just one of my many issues is i have a fear of people touching me especially being ‘in my face’ & I struggle to snuggle up with my son when he is desperate for mummy cuddles & quite often it ends up in me getting angry & then I just feel even worse.
I have been thinking of finding a support group locally where we can go together & learn more as a team & hopefully he can meet others like him cause I know he does feel very alone sometimes. & it breaks my heart to see my son bullied & singled out because of something he has a hard enough time dealing with as it is.
Ah & interesting your girlfriend has ADHD, he got diagnosed with that a little while after the AS one, purely because a teacher noticed how much he twiddled his thumbs & tried a little test… she spoke to him without anything & he wriggled about on his chair & wouldn’t look at her then she gave him some bluetac to fiddle with & he actually sat still(er!) & looked at her, so everywhere he goes now, he is allowed a ‘fiddle box’ 😛
gosh I feel I have rambled on for days, I am sorry, it’s really quite refreshing to talk about these things so openly & not worry about it being a waste of your time & just wait for the attack of how crap I am at everything in life!!!
people really have knocked me down, when actually if they knew anything about us, you would applaud me for getting this far on my own & realise my son (& my dogs for that matter) are all very well brought up & the most settled chilled out happy people’s I’ve ever met… I deserve more than the depressive hypocrital moaners that have I have allowed to break me down to this state over all the years & I deserve a few more pats on the back AND my son definitely doesn’t need any grief from anyone… noone has been through what he has & come out almost entirely unfazed… he is the sweetest, kindest, gentlest boy with a caring sensitive heart with a big love & appreciation towards animals & nature etc he is incredible & I have only just all come to light with me…
I always knew but have never had my eyes opened like this before & I could of done more to protect him from some of the crap he’s been through (not only has he noticed things with me, he’s dealt with feeling different all these years AND has had half his face ripped open by a dog & had reconstructive plastic surgery 2 years ago) no child deserves all this, especially not him. so do you mind me asking more about your drug addiction? I was addicted to cocaine way back when the worst boyfriend was part of my life…
He used to take my son to full time nursery & leave me in the middle of nowhere with 7gs just so he could fuck with my head!!! & I am currently battling base… I have never allowed myself to get addicted, I have always had amazing self control with any drugs… I could have it in my house for weeks without touching it, but currently I feel I am losing the fight & I am s scared that I am going to get sucked in too far & lose all control & lose all I have worked so hard to achieve in life & I never want to add that to my boys already quite long emotional scars list… he is my rock & the only reason I’m not a junkie in a ditch somewhere with a needle hanging out my arm, he means everything & more to me & I never want to cause him anymore harm by losing the fight this time, I realised yesterday how much it was starting to affect my real life & I cried for the first time in years & I literally could not stop for hours & it is always there waiting for the tiniest trigger to set me off…
my boy is on holiday with his dads side of the family due back on Sunday, I really can’t be in this state when he comes home… I haven’t moved from this spot all day & been caining it, cause was in such a weird one it wasn’t doing anything, well i am now fooked!!! :S oops!
Omgh i am so so sorry i am shutting up right now & will limit my future msgs
