Party Vibe

Hello I am a recovering poly-drug addict with bipolar 2. I have tried every street drugs pretty much and a good bit of rc’s. My favorite drugs are dissociatives, pcp or 3-meo-pcp pcp but have tried mxe,dxm, and k. I feel like I have the personality that gets completely hooked on them. I also really liked a-pvp and coke/crack(couple iv binges).After a 5 day binge on 3 meo and e liquid ab-chiminica(crazy itaste vtr setup) that were both dirt cheap. I woke up in the hospital after being in a comatose state I stayed there for what I think was a day. Told my parents I didn’t have anymore and as soon as I got I went right back to it. Ended going back to the hospital the next day which happened to be July 4th. Felt like an asshole and when I got home late that night I finally caved in on the 3-meo, even through all the crazy indescribable thoughts and it being my love, I knew I loved my family more even though I didn’t feel emotions and they have just started to come back. Since then I went handed over my PO box key. I have dabbled with dxm occasionally but have been clean of all dissociatives and psychedelics for 2 months which are my ultimate highs of perfection.

Craziest trip and worst method of suicide known: before pcp
When I went to rehab the 1st time after a DOC binge that was so irresponsible. I researched but i was expecting more strength but I was fiending for a trip and blamed my meds for diminished effects. Was expecting an escape like high cus of the mxe I had but it was the last I had and no more on the way for 4 days, k isn’t available to me yet and thought pcp was for junkies and I’m just a coniseur looking for enlightenmental. I ended up becoming psychotic and suicidal probably after 100 mg up too then while feeding chickens at my neighbors who were out of town. Walked through the trail in the woods back to my house and it was like the highway to hell everything is completely insane but I wanted to die. Got back my mom said she my eyes were completely insane like saucers she lit up on fire and I ran to the bathroom grabbing a huge grandfather mirror and was gonna snort the rest off that and end it. Too awkward so I thro it in the bathtub. Got very angry and I broke the toilet paper holder thinking I would look cool if I were to die that way. Well I emptied the remainder of the 250mg approximately 150mg left (no scale) and snorted it. Instant comeup like I shot it in my vein, within a minute my mom knocks on the door and I can barely see my hand in front of my face the rush was completely euphoric but insane. I thought I was a baby walking around cus I couldn’t open the door. I ended up saying something I regret and will never forgive myself for. My mom asked what the noise was and I said with an evil type voice “hey mom, I’m dead”. Ended up unlocking the door and told her to call 911 it was like a gift from the universe or God whatever but then I went to a very strange place that was in between a coma and what I imagine a thumbprint of acid would be like. Unbelievable but I woke in the hospital ripping iv’a out 2 days later and spilling my insecurities to my brothers and mom. Went to a rehab called pathways in Annapolis from there. Had visual distortions for what I think was 3 months. Be zoos and alcohol helped distract me from them and calm the sweating and shaking. I was 17 when this happened.

That was the peak of my use but it had been progressing for 3-4 years since my first tHello I am a recovering poly-drug addict with bipolar 2. I have tried every street drugs pretty much and a good bit of rc’s. My favorite drugs are dissociatives, pcp or 3-meo-pcp pcp but have tried mxe,dxm, and k. I feel like I have the personality that gets completely hooked on them. I also really liked a-pvp and coke/crack(couple iv binges).After a 5 day binge on 3 meo and e liquid ab-chiminica(crazy itaste vtr setup) that were both dirt cheap. I woke up in the hospital after being in a comatose state I stayed there for what I think was a day. Told my parents I didn’t have anymore and as soon as I got I went right back to it. Ended going back to the hospital the next day which happened to be July 4th. Felt like an asshole and when I got home late that night I finally caved in on the 3-meo, even through all the crazy indescribable thoughts and it being my love, I knew I loved my family more even though I didn’t feel emotions and they have just started to come back. Since then I went handed over my PO box key. I have dabbled with dxm occasionally but have been clean of all dissociatives and psychedelics for 2 months which are my ultimate highs of perfection. When I went to rehab the 1st time after a DOC binge that was so irresponsible. I researched but i was expecting more strength but I was fiending for a trip and blamed my meds for diminished effects. Was expecting an escape like high cus of the mxe I had but it was the last I had and no more on the way for 4 days, k isn’t available to me yet and thought pcp was for junkies and I’m just a coniseur looking for enlightenmental. I ended up becoming psychotic and suicidal probably after 100 mg up too then while feeding chickens at my neighbors who were out of town. Walked through the trail in the woods back to my house and it was like the highway to hell everything is completely insane but I wanted to die. Got back my mom said she my eyes were completely insane like saucers she lit up on fire and I ran to the bathroom grabbing a huge grandfather mirror and was gonna snort the rest off that and end it. Too awkward so I thro it in the bathtub. Got very angry and I broke the toilet paper holder thinking I would look cool if I were to die that way. Well I emptied the remainder of the 250mg approximately 150mg left (no scale) and snorted it. Instant comeup like I shot it in my vein, within a minute my mom knocks on the door and I can barely see my hand in front of my face the rush was completely euphoric but insane. I thought I was a baby walking around cus I couldn’t open the door. I ended up saying something I regret and will never forgive myself for. My mom asked what the noise was and I said with an evil type voice “hey mom, I’m dead”. Ended up unlocking the door and told her to call 911 it was like a gift from the universe or God whatever but then I went to a very strange place that was in between a coma and what I imagine a thumbprint of acid would be like. Unbelievable but I woke in the hospital ripping iv’a out 2 days later and spilling my insecurities to my brothers and mom. Went to a rehab called pathways in Annapolis from there. Had visual distortions for what I think was 3 months. Be zoos and alcohol helped distract me from them and calm the sweating and shaking. I was 17 when this happened.

That second paragraph was suppose to be first as I was only 17 and the pcp use started around 18 sorry!

Sorry for long post I really need help! my addiction and experiences. Also is this a bad idea?

That was the peak of my use but it had been progressing for 3-4 years since my first time tripping on k2 which imo was my gateway drug. For most of these years I have been on psych meds. On the top of my head here’s a list: Prozac, lexapro, Wellbutrin, seroquel, bus par, viibryd, klonopin, vyvanse, andhydroxyzine. Currently weaning off viibryd and upping Paxil (helps!), also I take lamictal, propranolol(miracle for anxiety!), ativan, and ambien.ime tripping on k2 which imo was my gateway drug. For most of these years I have been psych meds. On the top of my head here’s a list: Prozac, lexapro, Wellbutrin, seroquel, bus par, viibryd, klonopin, vyvanse, andhydroxyzine. Currently weaning off viibryd and upping Paxil (helps!), also I take lamictal, propranolol(miracle for anxiety!), ativan, and ambien.
Since I have ceased hallucinogen use for mental health reasons I have only used once since my last time around early August. I was at nightmare fest an outdoor rave that lasted two days and I bought an eighth of shrooms, 2 hits of lsd on sugar cubes, and a g of ketamine. I eventually replaced the synthetic noida with wax but it was hell but I knew I it was gonna fry me and it was a hallucinogen even with tolerance sky high. After that I basically used whatever besides the previous. Started with opiates mostly roxi 30s and the knew generic non gel opanas 15s and 40s. Tried fentanyl like 5 times and tolerance is crazy spending my whole check to be high for Friday and Saturday lol. Found raw dope and that made it manageable. Dealer gets locked up for synthetics and goes to jail but know a guy with coke and am using that when I have the money and get good deals. Anyway at this point trying to keep life in control with concerta, excess alcohol and benzodiazepines, bad idea? This post was mainly to introduce myself share about people’s personalities and dissociative addiction. Also an idea of the max dose of doc that is survivable ( THIS WAS ALSO WITH MANY SEDATIVES IDK WHICH AND MY MEDICATION WHICH DIMINISHED EFFECTS) if anyone can relate with my experience or bipolar and addiction in general I would love to hear it! Thanks finally my brain can connect the years somewhat.