So I had been clean from all drugs and drinking for ten months. Also been alone for ten months. Pretty much been trying to quit weed since 16 while casually doing anything else. Then spent the last year and a half doing coke and mda try meth. Then quit. I went out with a friend who was my old friend I did drugs with she said have a drink please and I said ok she paid for a cocktail with three shots in it….
Four cocktails later I was screaming and talking to stranger on the street. Two hours later I was in a taxi with her to the dealer who we were friends with a shouted us a fuck load of coke and smoke meth in a circle for hours. I am always the entertainment saying fucked up shit I have done in a funny way.
This time though I told my whole life and dark childhood stuff I never have spoken out loud before. I think it’s because I have been sober and living with it in my face. 7 hours I was talking once I started I was encouraged to go on and I felt safe like they accepted me. I then contiued as we left to another house and smoked more told more but it felt like when I was fucked a weight was lifted.
Then on coming down my friend said I had been frustrating and that she thought that I perceived my pain wrong. I wasn’t thinking about it but I realised at that moment what I had done and started crying. I felt so stripped and bare. I feel now broken emotionally from it and scared I don’t want people in my circle to know my history I have kept it secret for a reason. Has anyone else had an experience where they have said there darkest secrets ??
I told her about my sister assault as well it was horrible. At the time she promised not to say then the next day she wouldn’t promise she just got weird about it and super distant like we weren’t close at all. I don’t even know if we are close but I felt like we weren’t I was just lonely and she was just enjoying the show. She smoked ice a lot and has changed she feels less now I’m scared of people knowing me and my sisters life.
