Hi, just wondering if anyone might be able to give me some advice. Sorry for the long post, I’ll try and get to the point! I’ve recently started a ‘friends with benefits’ type thing with a guy I met at uni.
I’ve had a few sexual partners, 2 of which were fairly long-term boyfriends, so I’m pretty ‘experienced’ and confident in bed. The guy I’m sleeping with, however, generally seems quite uncertain, and I get the feeling he’s inexperienced. I’ve tried to get him to open up about it a couple of times (probably a mistake, I know, but I couldn’t stop myself after a few drinks!), but he refuses to speak about it. We get on really well otherwise, and he’s getting better in bed every time we sleep together, but there are a few things which just have me stumped.
He makes zero noise, like nothing, to the point where I can never tell if he’s about to finish (I actually feel like he must be holding his breath when the focus is on him). He’s also yet to go down on me. The first few times we slept together he went soft, and he usually takes a while to build up to sex or doing things to me unless I explicitly tell him what I like.
To me, this all adds up to nerves/lack of confidence. I’m absolutely sure he’s into me as it’s usually him asking to see me, plus he does tend to stick around the day after and we hang out and stuff. We’ve both said that we don’t want anything serious, but when I’ve brought up his sexual past, the most I’ve managed to get out of him is that he might discuss it when we get to know each other better (which seems difficult in that we’re not actually in a relationship). It’s not so much that I care how many partners (or not) he’s had, it’s just that his refusal to discuss it affects our sexual ‘connection’ because it makes it difficult for me to understand what I need to do to make the sex amazing, because I know it’s got the potential!
Just wondering really if anyone had any pointers for improving things without putting any more pressure on him (as I kind of feel like I did by bringing his ‘deal’ up in the first place)?
Thanks 🙂
