Party Vibe

@iliesse 978274 wrote:

Relax Max, je voulais juste détendre l’atmosphère de votre débat dont je ne comprend pas grand chose …

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Hey, I meant no offence. Not exactly sure what you wrote here but if google translate is anywhere near right then apologies if things were taken out of context. This is a good site for info and education on loads of things as far I can see, so would not be a muppet intentionally. Would like to know the exact translation though, apart from Relax Max, I got that :bigsmile:

For me, substance abuse runs in my family but I also have Bipolar Disorder so that doesn’t help. I am a self admitted food addict (who is recovering but not out of the woods yet and I’m an alcoholic/prescription drug abuser). Not to sound like a smug asshole but I can’t say that I’m ashamed of that. I don’t blame society or my parents, my parents have not had anything to do with my drug use. They have always been there for me and maybe I sound like an ungrateful asshole but my inner demons have driven me to use and abuse. I’m pretty fucked up as we speak – in fact, I’m pretty fucked up 99% of the time that I’m on here talking with y’all. No one but you guys know that I have a problem and the problem is that I don’t have enough drugs or alcohol. Lol if you don’t laugh, you will cry.

@tryptameanie 980773 wrote:

Addiction does seem to a greater problem with your parents etc. having issues but idk if it’s genetic or just learned behaviours or understandings of what is acceptable as you grow up. My parents are both addicts although they would never admit nor evn considerf that as their poison of choice is alcohol, which makes it alrightcos that’s the drug that kills the most people…..

I agree with you. There is a lot of mystery surrounding where the origins of addiction begins and where it ends even. There is still so much more we don’t understand about the human brain and how everyone’s mind works. On another note, I have found a lot of people that say “there’s no such thing as a functioning addict” – umm, I’m right here. I hold down a job, I’m actually being promoted right now and nothing I use shows up on drug tests because it’s all prescribed and I don’t show up for a drug test with alcohol in my system. Not saying that I don’t have my faults and not to brag about being able to do all of this – I am very good at hiding my habits and staying in the clear zone. My roommates don’t even suspect a thing. I’m a much nicer person when I’m tweaking like shit. I can go from 0 to asshole in 3 seconds flat but when I’m high, I’m the angel. It’s the evil twin that I have to constantly monitor in a choke hold so she isn’t seen or heard. My addictions are like the old days with children and women – best seen and not heard.

I have always felt that I would not live very long (I’m not suicidal so don’t get any funny ideas) and honestly, I live every day of my life like it’s one big party. I have my responsibilities and pay my bills and everything gets squared away and on time. I think the biggest tragedy of my life will not be how I died but how I lived with so much pain and anger and sadness inside of me that although my party lifestyle seemed fun. I was actually not having any fun at all. Being sober is truly the saddest and most desperate part of my life that I just simply cannot handle. Reality is a giant and I’m not sure the David in me can kill Goliath.