Sex problems with my girlfriend

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Sex problems with my girlfriend

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May 5, 2011 at 11:25 am

#678034
1

rOcKoN

@rockon

Member
Well am new to the forum..i’ve been having these problems for a while now. well a bit too long for me to handle and it really gets me down so here it goes

I’ve been with my girlfriend nearly two years now. am 19 she is 18 we used to have a lot of sex and i mean a lot but the last year things happened i confessed that i cheated on her which made things bad but she forgave me 1 month after and its been 9-10 months since then now but i still dont have her trust. she acts like a maniac when it comes to trust issues.

she seems she doesnt trust me at all! she trusts me as much as i would trust a 3 year old with my car and an unexpected pregnancy happened to one and a half year ago which led us to have an abortion. i know that hurt her a lot..i know it hurts me..but now sex has been a problem for a long time! we do it once in a month maybe two. i tried to talk to her about it cause it makes me feel bad..i mean sometimes it really gets me down! but she doesnt seem to be interested in sex at all.

she gets angry and she says i dont get her. but i mean cmon! wtf? i mean yeah she feels bad about the sex thing sometimes but i do feel too! all i ask for is a good word from her. that everythings gonna be back to normal eventually. and all i get is her anger. now when it comes to sex. i cant even discuss it with her. it gives me the chills knowing she’ll get mad again. dont get me wrong here guys. i love her i want her to be happy but i want myself to be happy and feel good with my relationship too! i mean its not like am asking for something unreal here! am not asking to have sex everyday but more often would be good..texting each other and dirty talking would be nice.

sex is good for both parties physical and psychological. She sometimes pushes me away. times like now. which i gave it a better thought and felt bad! I really really express my feelings for her in a daily baisis! i always give her a lift when she asks for it. and sometimes i volunteer for it!

i text her 2-3 times a week during night time when she is asleep with poems..or just my words saying what i feel for her. i know when am wrong and say sorry. i know she loves me. at least thats what i thing and my friends too.

what is wrong with me?! or what is wrong with her? am i doing something wrong? i know am ok with her no lies trying to help her when she has problems. am always there for her! where have i gone wrong?? i really need to do something. as i dont wanna break up over sex. but it makes me feel bad almost everyday.

Any help would be appreciated..
May 5, 2011 at 11:44 am

#771748
6

General Lighting

@general-lighting

Moderator
Staff
you cheated on her, then there was the trauma of a unwanted pregnancy, which for obvious reasons is more traumatic to a girl than a boy so of course she is going to judge you on that!

TBH you are lucky this present relationship exists at all. Lifts and poems and texts mean little after the trauma she has been through, it will take a long time for this to heal, months, maybe years. If the relationship means anything long term both of you will wait for things to be better. You don’t come across as a bad guy are intelligent (to write in such good English when it may not be your first language) but you can’t control her and make her want sex more often after what she has been through in the relationship.

you have to decide whether you want love or just lust – and/or maybe even face up to the facts that the initial magic of this relationship may be gone permanently, as the bad experiences have outweighed the good and she is just “going through the motions”.
May 5, 2011 at 11:54 am

#771753
1

rOcKoN

@rockon

Member
@General Lighting 433604 wrote:

you cheated on her, then there was the trauma of a unwanted pregnancy, which for obvious reasons is more traumatic to a girl than a boy so of course she is going to judge you on that!

TBH you are lucky this present relationship exists at all. Lifts and poems and texts mean little after the trauma she has been through, it will take a long time for this to heal, months, maybe years. If the relationship means anything long term both of you will wait for things to be better. You don’t come across as a bad guy are intelligent (to write in such good English when it may not be your first language) but you can’t control her and makeher want sex more often after what she has been through in the relationship.

you have to decide whether you want love or just lust – and/or maybe even face up to the facts that the initial magic of this relationship may be gone permanently, as the bad experiences have outweighed the good and she is just “going through the motions”.

yeah i know that abortion hurt her a lot but fortunately she never blamed me i guess..and am trying to help her whenever she asks for it..i mean..anytime! i’d wake up in the middle of the night and talk with her..i’d do everything for this relationship to last..i just want to feel good too..is this a bad thing? (am not saying that i feel unhappy because of the lack of sex..it just takes me down sometimes lately..) and also why consider myself lucky the relationship still exists? she has been though a lot in this relationship but when it comes to when i cheated on her..well when i told her i had been driving around for a whole month trying to get her back..its not just here mate..and what do you mean the magic is lost and she is just going through the motions..i think this is bad..oh shit this felt bad

and by the way i dont completely get what you said there mate..i bolted it so you can explain it please? yeah english is not my first language..greek is..
thanks for the answer..
May 5, 2011 at 12:07 pm

#771743
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
I think he means alot of people may have left a partner after being cheeted on so you are lucky to still be together.

I’ve had some one cheat on me before and it took me quite a while (a few years) to get my trust5 back properly (and that’s trusting relationships in general not just trusting that perticuler person – I still don’t trudt her, but that was a diferant situation).

I think if you do love her and want to stay with her for a long time you’ll just have to hope for the best as she’s obviously still having problems with it.

Can I ask, when she gets angry when you try and talk about it, do you get angry back?
May 5, 2011 at 12:11 pm

#771754
1

rOcKoN

@rockon

Member
well yeah but most of the times i lay low..and say to myself why in the hell have i started this again?
May 5, 2011 at 12:12 pm

#771749
6

General Lighting

@general-lighting

Moderator
Staff
@DaftFader 433608 wrote:

I think if you do love her and want to stay with her for a long time you’ll just have to hope for the best as she’s obviously still having problems with it.

yes this is what I meant. it takes time. you have to wait. I understand that it is hard to wait for anything or not get what you want at 19 years old, I was a different man two decades ago – but if you want this particular relationship to stay it means waiting.
May 5, 2011 at 12:16 pm

#771744
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
@rOcKoN 433611 wrote:

well yeah but most of the times i lay low..and say to myself why in the hell have i started this again?

It’s allways best to try and not get caught up in an argument especialy in a situation like this as it’ll work against your cause and strive only to drive a wedge inbetween you even more.

Rather then asking for sex or asking her what’s wrong, mabey you should take a diferant approach and just reasure her that you still love her and it doesn’t matter about it and you’ll allways be there for her. She’s probably feeling a bit insacure due to what’s happened.
May 5, 2011 at 12:32 pm

#771755
1

rOcKoN

@rockon

Member
@General Lighting 433612 wrote:

yes this is what I meant. it takes time. you have to wait. I understand that it is hard to wait for anything or not get what you want at 19 years old, I was a different man two decades ago – but if you want this particular relationship to stay it means waiting.

well its like that with me..i can wait for her..i know i love her..i really do!

@DaftFader 433613 wrote:

It’s allways best to try and not get caught up in an argument especialy in a situation like this as it’ll work against your cause and strive only to drive a wedge inbetween you even more.

Rather then asking for sex or asking her what’s wrong, mabey you should take a diferant approach and just reasure her that you still love her and it doesn’t matter about it and you’ll allways be there for her. She’s probably feeling a bit insacure due to what’s happened.

well i did tell her that numerous times..

i just texted her and asked for a honest awnser if this is just something she is used to..or if she really loves me and she said that she thinks if it was something she got used to then she would have known by now..and about the things we’ve been through..she’s hasnt fully recovered from that but she will and that she is happy and i am all she wants..

but guys what you told me made me feel a bit worried..i dont wanna lose her..i’ve made mistakes..but am sure i wont do the same things again..i freakin love her :crazy:
May 5, 2011 at 8:10 pm

#771745
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
@rOcKoN 433599 wrote:

I’ve been with my girlfriend nearly two years now. am 19 she is 18 we used to have a lot of sex and i mean a lot but the last year things happened i confessed that i cheated on her which made things bad but she forgave me 1 month after and its been 9-10 months since then now but i still dont have her trust. she acts like a maniac when it comes to trust issues.

where have i gone wrong??

wow. you obviously have no clue about the female mind! i wouldn’t be surprised if you never got her trust back, because cheating on someone is the most disrespect you could ever show to someone that you are supposed to LOVE. 9-10 months isn’t long at all, maybe you should be more patient and less of a sex-pest 😐 it seems like thats what you’re mostly concerned about.
May 7, 2011 at 2:11 pm

#771750
1

Tank Girl

@tank-girl

Member
It doesnt sound as if sex is the problem,
it sounds as if your relationship is the problem

you cheated, so to me I guess the relationship already had problems as we dont tend to cheat unless we are not happy
your partner is also responsible for this current situation to some extent as she ‘took you back’. And there is no point being in a relationship where there is no trust

I dont see what you are both getting from this situation, it sounds as if you are both unhappy for different reasons, and there is no trust – so why are you staying together? is it a case of being with ‘someone’ other than being alone?

If you both want this to work, it’d be an idea to do the adult thing and go to somewhere like ‘relate’, where you can openly and honestly discuss both of your issues with someone who can mediate and perhaps look to resolve some of them, as it sounds a really tough place for you both to be in

Relate – the relationship people
May 11, 2011 at 3:13 am

#771752
1

Spazhazzard

@spazhazzard

Member
Personally I’d back away from sex entirely and try and start from the beginning again. Try getting to know each other properly again, this isn’t just a schism, this sounds like neither of you really know each other any more, at least she probably feels that way seeing as you cheated on her. If the trust is broken sex will do nothing to repair it and to carry on apologising keeps the wounds fresh in her mind as well as yours. She knows that you’re sorry and to keep poking at it by apologising over and over again does not help.

A relationship isn’t about sex, you need to SHOW that you care about her, not just texts and poems but gestures in EVERYTHING that you do. Show her that you appreciate her, that you’re willing to make sacrifices for her.

If you want this relationship to work this will NOT be difficult, if you find that it is then perhaps you need to rethink if you’re actually happy in this relationship.
August 9, 2011 at 5:46 am

#771746
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
We have been together for 3 years. I am 21 an she is 19. And our sex life has undergone some huge changes. At first, we had sex at least once, maybe twice or more a day, which was a bit much for me because i was taking this relationship seriously. Then after half a year or so, it dropped to about 5-6 times a week. Then maybe 1.5 years in, it dropped to about 2-3 times a week. Now in recent months, it dropped to about once every one to one and a half months…
April 7, 2014 at 2:30 pm

#771760
1

curious711

@curious711

Member
A true relationship doesn’t need sex to stay alive. What keeps it going is making each other happy outside the bedroom. Don’t focus so much on having sex make her happy again. If she’s happy she will be more interested in sexual activity. If she feels as if that’s all you want she won’t go for it. As for the trust issue, if you been together for 3 years and if you do love here maybe it’s time you purposed to her. It might show her that you are in this for the long haul. Just a thought.
April 7, 2014 at 4:01 pm

#771756
1

The Psyentist

@the-psyentist

Member
@curious711 558780 wrote:

A true relationship doesn’t need sex to stay alive. What keeps it going is making each other happy outside the bedroom. Don’t focus so much on having sex make her happy again. If she’s happy she will be more interested in sexual activity. If she feels as if that’s all you want she won’t go for it. As for the trust issue, if you been together for 3 years and if you do love here maybe it’s time you purposed to her. It might show her that you are in this for the long haul. Just a thought.

Just a friendly hint; check the dates of threads. This is from 2011 so he’ll either have moved on or recovered the relationship by now
April 7, 2014 at 7:32 pm

#771758
1

Dr Bunsen

@dr-bunsen

Member
@The Psyentist 558791 wrote:

Just a friendly hint; check the dates of threads. This is from 2011 so he’ll either have moved on or recovered the relationship by now

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