Several years ago, I did some work for a guy named Andrew who drove to work in a brand new, bright yellow convertible one day. I think it was a Renault. I told him that it is a science fact that bees are attracted to yellow. Being highly allergic to bees, he refused to drive with the top down after that, claiming that bees did actually seem to congregate around his car. He would not even drive with the windows down. I think the bees may have simply smelled his fear and approached out of curiosity as I had made the science fact up.
I also sold him a computer stating that it had twice the amount of megatron as other available systems.
Also, in regards to making things up, one of the projects that I worked on for Andrew was a book called ‘Learn to play tennis with Patrick Rafter’, possibly the most poorly designed and written book in the history of books. As there was a twelve day deadline for release, which included design, copy and printing time, the text was written on the fly and mostly made up. Though targeted at children, entire pages contain mathematical formulas on calculating the speed of a tennis ball that would confuse NASA scientists. You know it’s true Andrew.
and here is the advice …
(well)
From: Peter Conner
Date: Friday 9 Jan 2009 09.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: R 1200 GS
Hello David,
Thankyou for your recent enquiry regarding pricing of the R 1200 GS Motorcycle. We do not accept household furniture as trade ins on vehicles and would reccomend you sell them privately. The R 1200 GS has a list price of $25,470. Please note that this excludes Dealer delivery and ORC and is GST inclusive. I welcome you to contact me personally to arrange a test ride at a time that would suit you.
Sincerely, Peter Conner
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 9 Jan 2009 10.03am
To: Peter Conner
Subject: Re: R 1200 GS
Dear Peter,
Thankyou for responding to the online request I filled out several months ago and your kind offer to allow me to test ride the product before paying what is essentially five times the value of my car. I hope I get a full tank of petrol with that. I have read that women like guys that ride motorcycles though so I am sure it is worth every cent. If you could confirm for me that the model is available in desert yellow I would be very interested in arranging that test ride.
Regards, David.
From: Peter Conner
Date: Friday 9 Jan 2009 10.22am
To: David Thorne
Subject: R 1200 GS colours available
Hello David,
Yes the R 1200 GS is available in desert yellow. We have a desert yellow demo model on the showroom floor at the moment if you would like to come in to view and arrange a test ride at that time.
Sincerely, Peter Conner
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 9 Jan 2009 10.48am
To: Peter Conner
Subject: Re: R 1200 GS colours available
Dear Peter,
I have just been informed that bees are attracted to yellow vehicles. Apparently a few years back, a friend of a friend purchased a bright yellow convertible and was unable to drive it with the top down due to constantly being surrounded by bees. Do you know if this is a science fact as I am allergic to bees and the last thing I want is to be stung in the eye while I am doing 240kph on the freeway during the test ride. Do you know if there are airtight motorcycle helmets available?
Regards, David.
From: Peter Conner
Date: Friday 9 Jan 2009 11.09am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: R 1200 GS colours available
Hello David,
You would be required to follow state speed restrictions of 100kph on the Eastern Freeway during a test ride and would reccomend lower speeds than that until you have familiarised yourself with the bike. We would generally not expect people to take the demo bike on the freeway but we can discuss when you come in. I have never heard that about yellow vehicles and would think it is not true. The R 1200 GS is available in granite, black and red in addition to the yellow. Would you like to come in today and discus?
Sincerely, Peter Conner
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 9 Jan 2009 02.50pm
To: Peter Conner
Subject: Re: Re: Re: R 1200 GS colours available
Dear Peter,
I have been researching bees on the internet for the last four hours at work. When I type ‘do bees like yellow’ into google, it says that there are 2,960,000 results and it will take me a while to look at all of those pages so I doubt I will make it in there today. On one of the pages I have been to it stated that Qantas used to have a yellow kangaroo as their logo but when it was painted on the tail fin it attracted nests of bees which was a safety hazard therfore the logo was changed to red in the mid fifties. This would seem to support the argument that bees are indeed attracted to yellow and contradicts what you have told me. According to one page though, bees are technically unable to fly due to their wings being too small for their body weight but I have seen them do it so this can’t be true. Somebody should check the internet and make sure everything on there is correct. Regardless, I do not think having to dodge bees in addition to the already present dangers of learning to ride a motorbike for the first time would be very safe. Once when I was a passenger in a yellow taxi, a bee flew in and I screamed causing the driver to swerve and hit a wheelie bin. I will continue my research and confirm that this would not be a factor before I arrange the test ride.
Regards, David.
From: Peter Conner
Date: Friday 9 Jan 2009 03.18pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: R 1200 GS colours available
When you say you are learning to ride a motorcycle, do you hold a current full motorcycle license?
Sincerely, Peter Conner
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 9 Jan 2009 03.40pm
To: Peter Conner
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R 1200 GS colours available
Dear Peter,
No, but how hard can it be? They are just pushbikes with engines and I have been riding pushbikes since I was five. Part of my job role here is to ride my pushbike thirty kilometres every day to collect co-workers lunch orders from McDonalds® – balancing the bags on my handlebars because I cannot afford a basket. I think that fully qualifies me for something. Often I have to make the trip twice when McDonalds® employees leave something out of the order.
Actually, it seems, on average, every third time I go through the drive through, they forget to add something. I am thinking of sending them an invoice for the undelivered products going back several years. Also the girls who work there are too attractive. This means that if I want something from my local McDonalds® late at night, I have to shower, shave and wear something nice before I can get a simple snack. As it takes me at least two hours to do my hair, I am practically starving by this time and therefore order twice as much food as usual. Ordering more food increases the chance of them leaving something out. Last night it was an apple pie and that is really the only thing I like from there. It is quite obvious to me that they do this on purpose. Once, I ordered two big macs, minus the beef, large fries and an apple pie. When I got home and opened the bag, there were two happy meals in there.
The toy was two of the same Kim Possible figurines which worked out ok as I gave one to my son and kept one myself because for a cartoon character, you have to admit that Kim Possible is quite hot. I also have a thing for Lois from the television series Family Guy so I must have a penchant for cartoon redheads which is vaguely puzzling to me as I cannot stand redheads in real life. Nobody can. I have heard that redheads are more prone to allergies and if this is a science fact, and includes allergies to bee stings, all redheads should be encouraged to wear bright yellow T-Shirts.
Regards, David.
From: Peter Conner
Date: Friday 9 Jan 2009 04.28pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: R 1200 GS test ride
Dear David,
I apologise but we will be unable to organise a test ride for you at this time.
Sincerely, Peter Conner
