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  • Hi peeps, I seldom ask for advice but this womans got me all confused !!

    She finished it with me about 3 weeks ago, I said i did not want to be mates (as i have never done that) – she didnt like it but everytime I am out she always (according to my mates) seems to hover close by…

    As far as I am concerned I just wish she would leave it alone, she never says anything but my mates always comment on the fact that when we are both in the same pub/club etc she always seems to be lookiing over and hovering…

    Its annoying to be honest.

    a – Why do you think she is doing it ?

    b – Should I ask her to pack it in ?

    thanks for reading and for the advice if you gave any !!!

    well mate i was in a very simillar situation recently, and im sorry but its completely up to you. cant really help with stuff like that…gotta watch as it unfolds.

    i might be well off the mark..

    she’s doing it because she needs reassuring that she didn’t hurt you and wants to see you having fun (because she cares about you)… she prolly did hurt you though…

    if it make you feel uncomfortable then it’s well within your rights to tell her that it’s bothering you… no one has the right to make you feel uncomfortable

    If that was me I would move on and ignore her

    Sounds an awful lot like what a few of my mates are going through at the moment and it sucks.
    It is my suspicion that you may have been supposed to grovel at her feet and tell her you couldnt imagine life without her when she dumped you [not allow her to do so…] and beg her to reconsider…If this is the case run like f*ck and dont look back 😉 a relationship like this ends up with you constantly giving in to keep the other happy [endless emotional guilt trips] and in my personal opinion its never worth the sacrifices involved :noway:

    I would tell her to get bent – it was her choice to dump you and now she can live with it. Simple as. [ I am not known for my subtlety in these matters :wink:]

    globalloon wrote:
    i might be well off the mark..

    she’s doing it because she needs reassuring that she didn’t hurt you and wants to see you having fun (because she cares about you)… she prolly did hurt you though…

    if it make you feel uncomfortable then it’s well within your rights to tell her that it’s bothering you… no one has the right to make you feel uncomfortable

    I understand the point you are making, however i lost my license, as a result i lost my job. I did say to her things were gonna be tough and even asked if she was sure she wanted to stick by me, but then of course when the going got tough, she called it a day. So as much as I like to see good in people, my mates have the impression that (now I have a new job and got myself sorted) she is just trying to suss me out ??

    Raj wrote:
    If that was me I would move on and ignore her

    Sounds an awful lot like what a few of my mates are going through at the moment and it sucks.
    It is my suspicion that you may have been supposed to grovel at her feet and tell her you couldnt imagine life without her when she dumped you [not allow her to do so…] and beg her to reconsider…If this is the case run like f*ck and dont look back 😉 a relationship like this ends up with you constantly giving in to keep the other happy [endless emotional guilt trips] and in my personal opinion its never worth the sacrifices involved :noway:

    I would tell her to get bent – it was her choice to dump you and now she can live with it. Simple as. [ I am not known for my subtlety in these matters :wink:]

    Raj, once again hun your advice is bang on, yes she is used to men runing round her like hopeless rabbits, as for me, I basically said go f##k yourself and dont ever contact me again, incidently she did ring me the other weekend, asking how i was, i just put the phone down, she called back again saying ‘dont you want to talk to me’, I said, no…not really…she never called again after that, but the way she seems to float around when im around, and talking loudly when i am about is very immature and irritating… i guess i just want to try and understand the reasons behind it…

    cheers hun xx

    stomperomper wrote:
    I understand the point you are making, however i lost my license, as a result i lost my job. I did say to her things were gonna be tough and even asked if she was sure she wanted to stick by me, but then of course when the going got tough, she called it a day. So as much as I like to see good in people, my mates have the impression that (now I have a new job and got myself sorted) she is just trying to suss me out ??

    Sounds to me she thought the grass else where was greener and couldnt be arsed to stick with you when things were tough and now your sorted she wants you back….
    tell her to go to fuck

    I must say i agree with the others she is wanting you to notice her, hoping you will talk to her, i would stay well away.

    Tank Girl wrote:
    Sounds to me she thought the grass else where was greener and couldnt be arsed to stick with you when things were tough and now your sorted she wants you back….
    tell her to go to fuck

    Thanks, thats pretty much what a few people have said, i dont want any contact with her at all, its her loss.

    kelco wrote:
    I must say i agree with the others she is wanting you to notice her, hoping you will talk to her, i would stay well away.

    Oh I will, i did warn her if she called it a day it would mean no friendship – i dont think she took me seriously…

    Thanks for the advice.

    stomperomper wrote:
    I understand the point you are making, however i lost my license, as a result i lost my job. I did say to her things were gonna be tough and even asked if she was sure she wanted to stick by me, but then of course when the going got tough, she called it a day. So as much as I like to see good in people, my mates have the impression that (now I have a new job and got myself sorted) she is just trying to suss me out ??

    i think when we really care about people we stick by them thru the crap stuff but as devil’s advocate ( an there are lots of ways to look at this):

    – when you were going thru this tough time how were you? how did you treat her?

    – when we’re going thru tough stuff, especially when it affects our self-esteem or belief etc we can be very hard to be with, its also a common practice to try to isolate oneself, push others away.

    It is possible (if you were doing the above) that she backed off to let you know she wouldn’t be treated badly (no-one loves a door-mat) an let you sort yourself out, hence her continued interest and overtures of friendship.

    It is also possible that you were a love, that she doesn’t really care an you should steer well clear.

    ‘s very hard to be objective about someone who has hurt us. Only you know (not us, not ur friends) what happened. kindest thing you can do for the pair of you is look at it honestly.

    stomperomper wrote:
    Hi peeps, I seldom ask for advice but this womans got me all confused !!

    She finished it with me about 3 weeks ago, I said i did not want to be mates (as i have never done that) – she didnt like it but everytime I am out she always (according to my mates) seems to hover close by…

    As far as I am concerned I just wish she would leave it alone, she never says anything but my mates always comment on the fact that when we are both in the same pub/club etc she always seems to be lookiing over and hovering…

    Its annoying to be honest.

    a – Why do you think she is doing it ?

    b – Should I ask her to pack it in ?

    thanks for reading and for the advice if you gave any !!!

    i havent read any of the other posts, but my best piece of advice, is to ask her all of the above questions, cos she is the only one with the answer

    when will everybody realise that u need to talk to the other person first, altho in some cases that is not the answer

    Tank Girl wrote:
    Sounds to me she thought the grass else where was greener and couldnt be arsed to stick with you when things were tough and now your sorted she wants you back….
    tell her to go to fuck

    Harsh but fair! :laugh_at:

    marcusblanc wrote:
    Harsh but fair! :laugh_at:

    opps!

    Me thinks I was rather tired and grumpy on that one…….:wink:

    (Not been sleeping well in the days :yawn:)

    err.. on reflection there is always 2 sides to the story….

    Tank Girl wrote:
    opps!

    Me thinks I was rather tired and grumpy on that one…….:wink:

    (Not been sleeping well in the days :yawn:)

    err.. on reflection there is always 2 sides to the story….

    Yeh the A side and the B side, both owned by ME !!!!! – To be honest I have given it some more thought, from what I have heard most of my mates are coming to the conclusion that she might still be interested and is kinda regretting the loss….

    UNLUCKY !!!

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Forums Life Advice Relationship Advice Required Please!