How to survive the crunch? Become a Hippie…
Millions of people are worrying about how they are going to survive the credit crunch. The answer is simple: become a hippy.
1. Smoke Pot – unlike alcohol there is no VAT on illegal drugs so you save money straight away. As cannabis is far safer than alcohol you also save on the cost of liver transplants in the future, so smoking pot is a sound investment for your old age. You could also consider becoming a weed dealer and/or grower which will help rebuild your nation’s shattered economy.
2. Don’t cut your hair, cut your costs – having long hair saves money and is warmer in winter. People with long hair save fuel costs, cut national dependence on foreign fuel, and cut CO2 emissions which could save humanity from extinction.
3. Don’t shave – razor blades, shaving cream and other fetish body hair removers such as leg waxing kits etc are all products of the decadent ‘throw away’ consumer society which is destroying the rain forest and your credit rating. Nature gave us hair for a reason. Don’t help Boots survive the credit crunch, help yourself and become a hairy hippie.
4. Squat now while stocks last – if you have a mortgage you can’t pay don’t worry about foreclosure. In fact the more foreclosures the better as this increases the housing stock available for squatting – now you can live mortgage free and rent free!
5. Become a pseudo ‘veggie’ or ‘virtual vegan’ – don’t worry, most veggies cheat so you can eat fish and meat when ever you want, but eating veggie can dramatically cut your food costs. For example Tescos are doing a can of red kidney beans for 18pence, while a pack of King Prawns costs at least £3.00. One meat meal requires 10 meals worth of grain to produce. Meat production creates 18% of world Co2 emissions while air travel contributes just 3%. This means ‘veggie’ hippies can still fly Ryan Air and save the planet! It is Plain Obvious.
6. Dress down (and out) – even if you have a family trust fund, looking poor is the safest option in these dangerous knife crime times, plus it will save you a fortune. Even Madonna shops at Oxfam, thats why she is so rich. If you are really broke raid the clothing recycling bins; don’t feel guilty – just remember that we are all Africans now. Alternatively you could become a nudist and cut your clothing bill completely.
7. Start or join a commune – council tax is chargeable per household so if you have twenty people in your commune the cost saving per person or couple is dramatic. With communal meals, shared sleeping areas and a washing up rota you can save even more and might only have to do the washing up once every two weeks!
8. Love is all you need – the new economy should not be based on shares but on sharing. For those with high sexual drives there is also the increased chance of attending more orgies, especially if you are bisexual.
9. Give Peace a chance – it is totally unrealistic of course, but supporting hippie pacifist defence policies could save billions for national economies. If the whole world went hippie the only defence we would need to think about would be against violent anti hippie skinheads, Tory counter revolutionaries, or a ‘UFO’ invasion from outer space.
10. Go to India – you might be able to get a job in a call centre.
Haha nice one! :laugh_at: Although saying that, most things on there would be absolute hell for me! I could never ever be a hippy! 😉
Q: What’s the difference between a Lehman’s trader and a pigeon?
A: A pigeon can still leave a deposit on a Ferrari.
Q: What is the definition of optimism?
A: An investment banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday night
Q: What is the one thing Wall St and the Olympics have in common?
A: Synchronised diving
Q: How many commodities traders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they don’t change bulbs; but the trading price of darkness plummets due to oversupply
A joke based on the fear of Iceland’s economy going bankrupt:
Q: What’s the capital of Iceland?
Although the veggie suggestion is a good one. When my husband went veggie our food bill dropped dramatically!
I realllly wish I could understand this credit crunch mumbo jumbo. All i know is that alot of people have been made redundant and aload of polish people have gone home.
Does someone want to explain to me what its all about?
@Dr Bunsen 269361 wrote:
This made me laugh…
looks like our kitchen at 7am any weekday 🙂
Hmmm, maybe I should suggest Tesco rename their dried catfood as Credit Crunchies ??
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