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  • Just for pure lols I’ve been looking back at some of my likes received since joining PV. Have to say I’d forgotten how hilarious a lot of shit I used to come out with was.

    So I’m creating this thread where you can post some of your own favourite old quotes for others to giggle at.

    Found this one in one of my early threads about 5-Meo-DALT.

    It’s nothing special just extremely weird, never had anything remotely similar to it before. No visual trips and doesn’t affect your thought pattern just completely fucks how your senses interpret the world. And yep I’ve done both acid and shrooms before. Watched finding Nemo on acid which was fun until sharks burst out the tv and started chasing me and I took refuge in my closet and spent 4 hours talking to a ceramic duck and a bottle of hp sauce.

    My shroom incident was a fun one but cost me €250 due to a particularly captivating painting I came across.


    When asked in a thread what my favourite drinking game is this was my response

    Edward cider hands. You adhere a 2litre bottle of cider to each of the victims, I mean players, hands take the cap off both and watch them struggle to finish both bottles before giving them back use of their hands. Warning this is a messy one best done outside

    One more for now, this is about my mate tripping out on too much MDMA
    Aye I had a mate who went what was later called ‘Code Red’ after I fed him md the first few times. Not surprisingly the first time this happened was by far the most amusing.

    He came round 1 night feelin a bit blue so we had a chat (and a spliff of course) and then I suggested a date with mandy might cheer him up. Although he’d had plenty a pill he’d never tried md before but was well up for it.

    I eased him in and after a few hours he’s lovin it and behavin just as you’d expect anyone to first time. He has a second bomb then without warning 30mins later the situation changes.
    He goes from bright eyed and alert to a glazed eyed sloppy mess. He ceases all comunication with me and starts talkin to the cushions either side of him now called Alan and Gary. In addition to this he now seems to believe hes in a pub. I decide he seems ok and isnt freakin out or anything so leave him to continue his little trip curious to see what it will lead to. He starts pulling himself an imaginary pint and tells Alan and Gary theyl go out back for a spliff after his pint. Spends 15mins chatting shit to his imaginary friends and drinking imaginary pint, the whole time im pissin myself laughin and hes oblivious to me. He then spends 10mins rollin an imaginary joint, fucks it up and spends 15mins rerolling lol.

    This kind of shit continued for about an hour and a half and then it got messy. He started trying to light his finger thinking it was a fag and when I gave him an actual fag he used his belly button as an ashtray, after a few flicks he would carefully waddle to the bin and empty his ashbutton before returning to his seat to repeat the process. He was no longer able to talk but just mumbling to himself. At one point he brought all the spoons he could find from my kitchen, including a new set he found on top of my cupboards and formed SOS with them on the floor. He also pulled all the cushions off my furniture to form a shelter.

    This ordeal lasted about 5hours but through out he was responsive to his name and when initiated could hold a conversation, however as soon as his mind was allowed to wander he would sink back into code red. After it wore off he had no memory of it after entering CR except he could recall trippin that he was alone on a desert island hence the SOS spoons and cushion castle lol.

    a few years back when mephedrone was rife, I tried offering my body to daughters and mums (age 18-60) in Manningtree and Shotley (two obscure villages in South Suffolk and North Essex), and quoting N-Dubz lyrics. what surprised me was no one even thought my behaviour to be out of character…

    @General Lighting 560096 wrote:

    a few years back when mephedrone was rife, I tried offering my body to daughters and mums (age 18-60) in Manningtree and Shotley (two obscure villages in South Suffolk and North Essex), and quoting N-Dubz lyrics. what surprised me was no one even thought my behaviour to be out of character…

    That’s because your identity is an enigma GL. Remember you’re a balding Dutch pig farmer of Oriental descent/connections who possibly runs a pirate radio station out in the middle of the North Sea or whatever it is Google thinks you are lol

    @The Psyentist 560123 wrote:

    That’s because your identity is an enigma GL. Remember you’re a balding Dutch pig farmer of Oriental descent/connections who possibly runs a pirate radio station out in the middle of the North Sea or whatever it is Google thinks you are lol

    I worked out why this happens; my real name (and minor spelling variations of it) is widely duplicated in both Malaysian/Singapore Chinese and Germanic family names, so I could equally be a short Chinaman with longer hair, or a bald Dutchman or German who once had hair but his head grew through it as he got taller. Groningen is a particularly multicultural bit of NL (there are 18 Chinese restaurants in what is a relatively small area), and similarly the other side of the border past the 2km zone of bugger all (the Germans leave it wild because it might flood). And these chaps (irrespective of ancestry) often like Chinese food, know more than one language, and have tech related hobbies.

    So it is genuinely impossible for Google to be 100% sure of my identity.

    I am several cm taller than Dappy though (even with his silly hat).

    @General Lighting 560143 wrote:

    I worked out why this happens; my real name (and minor spelling variations of it) is widely duplicated in both Malaysian/Singapore Chinese and Germanic family names, so I could equally be a short Chinaman with longer hair, or a bald Dutchman or German who once had hair but his head grew through it as he got taller.
    So it is genuinely impossible for Google to be 100% sure of my identity.

    :lol_teeth This made me laugh

    hahaha made me laugh fair play!

    The phantom stuff always gets me laughing (cigarettes, food).. my mate always thinks hes in work.. Stuff like “ah fuck im 50mm short with this plasterboard boys”, or opens up his imaginary lunchbox and starts chomping on a sandwich in the middle of a club hahahaha

    Spends all week wanting to get as far away from work as possible and ends up back there anyway!

    @DangerousDave1 560273 wrote:

    hahaha made me laugh fair play!

    The phantom stuff always gets me laughing (cigarettes, food).. my mate always thinks hes in work.. Stuff like “ah fuck im 50mm short with this plasterboard boys”, or opens up his imaginary lunchbox and starts chomping on a sandwich in the middle of a club hahahaha

    Spends all week wanting to get as far away from work as possible and ends up back there anyway!

    Lmao! I’ve encountered ‘code red’ several times since with a few individuals. You’re right though, most of the time they think they’re at work. One time had a completely different mate mashed on mandy, he was training to be a plumber and gas fitter at the time, trying to fit an imaginary boiler and asking me for instructions thinking I was his boss lol.

    I can’t be arsed to go through my stupidity……theres too much on here haha

    @General Lighting 560143 wrote:

    or a bald Dutchman or German who once had hair but his head grew through it as he got taller.

    LOL!

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Forums The Vibe Chat Your funniest posts