IN : Rats join Indian Police to protect evidence and records. Police in India's Haryana state believe they have found a novel way to tackle a plague of mice infesting official records and destroying evidence.
They have started using a pair of domesticated white rats to scare the mice away.
BBC NEWS | World | South Asia | Indian police enrol rat recruits
UK : East : Random Acts of Randomness I won't say exactly where it is as I want it to stay there, but somewhere in Mid Suffolk which is otherwise totally in the middle of nowhere, some dudes have gone to all the trouble of putting a large cast iron garden bench by the road, overlooking some fields...
Its not the standard Council type you get in villages so I very much doubt MSDC put it there, and its way too big to fit into a normal motor car or even a estate car - two or three people would have had to haul it into a van or truck and then deposit it...
its not been flytipped though, its clearly been put there for people to sit on..
fair play to whoever did it :laugh_at:
Ham the Astrochimp: The True Hero of the Space Race from the Grauniad letters page, i nearly wet meself! :laugh_at:
The real hero of the early American space programme was Ham the "astrochimp", who went up before any of the first American Mercury astronauts.
Trained for weeks to pull levers with a banana pellet reward for the right one and an electric shock for the wrong one, he could do this in his sleep and was really relaxed as he was strapped into his wired-up "biopack", set up to take all manner of readings.
However, the rocket burned all its fuel at once, some of the valves malfunctioned, cabin pressure dropped, the fuel ran out and the engines shut down. The outcome of all this was that he pulled twice the anticipated gs on his way up, while all the wiring went haywire and whichever lever he pulled he got a shock.
Sensing that things were going wrong, the emergency abort system kicked in and blasted his capsule off the rocket with a wrench.
The re-entry retro rockets then shut down prematurely thus failing to slow the capsule down, resulting in another 15g on his way down. All this time, he's frantically pulling levers and getting nothing but shocks. Off course, the capsule landed 150 miles from its intended target and the excessive impact caused the heat shield to blow a hole in the bulkhead, and the capsule started to fill with water and sink.
The helicopter arrived just in time to pull Ham and his spaceship out of the ocean. No more the easy-going guy out for a day in space, once his handlers got to him he started to hit, bite and scratch anyone who came near.
Ham the chimp, the true hero of the space race12
UK : East : Yarmouth pub barman cooks takings as misguided "security measure" unlucky!
IN these times of financial uncertainty people don't have money to burn.
However, one barman is now feeling the heat after he saw £1,000 in takings go up in smoke.
http://www.eadt.co.uk/content/eadt/news/story.aspx?brand=EADOnline&category=News&tBrand=EADOnline&tCategory=News&itemid=IPED24%20Feb%202009%2010%3A54%3A17%3A393
UK : East : Suffolk Neighbourhood watch crime priorities This is from a real parish council report from a local Suffolk village. I have merely removed the location and the co-ordinators name (they've already called the feds on my mates before for trying to do a hall party!) - note the order in which each incident is discussed
Quote:
ii) Neighbourhood Watch
NW Co-ordinator reported:-
• Pumpkins stolen from allotment 6/7 September
• Fatal road accident on **** on Weds *** September.
• Car crime update – youths arrested in ****
• Mobile Police Station – will be located on grass on **** details of schedules to follow.
• An accident occurred that morning near sewer pumping station, moped and car. Moped rider reportedly suffered a broken leg.
Quote:
The Police report included:-
• 1 crime since last meeting – Theft of pumpkins from allotment.
• Mobile police station launched on 27th August.
• Advising care of the roads with winter approaching
If Men Wrote Advice Columns :laugh_at::laugh_at:
Quote:
If men wrote advice columns
Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend.
Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you.
If you’re still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless.
This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home.
Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it’s a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home.
The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn’t know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help.
You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay.
What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I’m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you’ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.
~Author Unknown
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