Top 10 Failed Condom Concepts Thought I'd share this because it made me laugh...
10. The Clowndom: The first clown inspired condom. Upon reaching climax, steamers and confetti explode into the violated oriface.
Reason for rejection: Choking, extreme discomfort, unintentional hilarity.
9. The Icy Hot Condom: Starts by cooling the penis to "bone" chilling temperatures, followed by an unbearable scorching sensation.
Reason for rejection: One of the least popular test condoms of all time, also, Shaquille O'Neal endorsement fell through.
8. The Bling Condom: Condom encrusted with diamonds and gold, utilized patented "pimp chalice" reservoir tip technology.
Reason for rejection: Outrageously expensive for a condom that is expected to be thrown away after one use, users experienced chafing from having diamonds rubbing against their genitals.
7. The Clitoris Condom: The first condom designed specifically for a woman's clitoris.
Reason for rejection: It was discovered that a condom designed specifically for a woman's clitoris is completely unnecessary for any purpose whatsoever. Re-branded as "Lil' Stinkers Nose Pickers" a foul smelling nose picking aid for the fingertips.
6. George W. Bush: For when you don't want to pull out.
Reason for failure: May cause recession.
5. The Anime themed condom: A condom branded with the most popular of all anime themed shows, including Gundam Wing, Dragon Ball Z and others.
Reason for rejection: Mysteriously, not a single condom was sold.
4. The Fellowship: A condom of many firsts. The first Lord of the Rings inspired condom, as well as the first condom to have the ability to sheath the testicles as well as penis during intercourse.
Reason for rejections: The tagline was "For when you're bagging the last cave troll in Mordor" was considered one of the most insensitive and offensive slogans ever created.
3. The Wax Condom: Invented back in 1756 accidentally by Sir J. Edward Grundlehorn, who spilled an entire fortnight's worth of molten candle wax onto his penis. The wax condom was one of the first "condom" to actually prevent pregnancy, it worked except that it made intercourse extremely painful.
Reason for failure: After multiple applications, J. Edward commented that the wax condom "Made my penis look as if it twas of a character that of only rotten salami possessed".
2. The OJ Simpson Condom: Fits like a glove (except after use), includes Johnny Cockring, and comes in 93' Ford Bronco white.
Reason for failure: People only bought it once.
1. Fuddy Duddys: One of the biggest failures in contraceptive history. Listen to one of their original radio spots.
CDC Alert – Beware CDC Alert - Beware
The Centers for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises.
Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
Just to let you know. :laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:
CN : Chinese girl gets ‘kiss of deaf’ A young Chinese woman was left partially deaf following a passionate kiss from her boyfriend.
The 20-something from Zhuhai in Guangdong province arrived at hospital having completely lost the hearing in her left ear, said local reports.
The incident prompted a series of articles in the local media warning of the dangers of excessive kissing.
"While kissing is normally very safe, doctors advise people to proceed with caution," wrote the China Daily.
BBC NEWS | World | Asia-Pacific | Chinese girl gets 'kiss of deaf'
Phoenix Nights Outtakes. if you all are feeling like you need a laugh check this out, funny stuff! :laugh_at:
Series 1
[YT]QgFgZKKepi0[/YT]
[YT]lkCWgi5quSs&feature=related[/YT]
[YT]wm07jtXJYq0&feature=related[/YT]
Series 2
[YT]2UIYLfKINpU&feature=related[/YT]
[YT]QvRbBLsO0l8&feature=related[/YT]
:wink:
SG : Classic Engrish (Singlish) quote From a book called "Culture Shock" - written by a middle aged Singapore Chinese gentleman who is explaining what Britain was like in the late 1980s/early90s (when it was written)
Quote:
"Sadly, traditional British food, like the mashed pie and eel is rare and getting rarer"
:laugh_at:
(he should have gone South of the river..)
SG : Don’t Feed That Siamese, If You Please sign attached to a wireless mast (or maybe even a ultrasonic cat-scarer?) in Singapore
Picture courtesy of Dawn Kua and the Cat Welfare League of Singapore...
The Sickest Joke Ever I mean, there may be other sick jokes out there that are a lot more complex and well thought out. But this simply one is simply the WORST I've ever heard and makes me feel ill!
:wtf:
By the way, if your a lover of pork pies and want to stay that way I wouldn't bother reading any further!
Whats the similarities between an old man's penis and a pork pie?
You have to eat the crust and the jelly before you get to the meat...
:sick: :yakk:
Dude from Australia’s TRIES to Avoid Paying a Bill From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account
Dear David,
Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account
Dear Jane,
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.
Regards, David.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account
Dear David,
Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account
Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.
Regards, David. From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account
Dear David,
You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account
Dear Jane,
Yes please.
Regards, David. From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account
Attached
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?
Dear Jane,
Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.
Regards, David. From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?
Dear David,
Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response
Thankyou for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.
Regards, David.
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?
Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.
Regards, David.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?
Dear David,
As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?
I understand and will definately make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.
Regards, David. From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?
Attached
UK : East : At least her intentions were good.. Actual incident report, courtesy of Essex County Fire and Rescue Service..
:laugh_at:
Quote:
Incident No: 11743
Date: 30-06-2008
Time: 18:11
Details: Woman rescued from tree
Address: Essex Hall Road, Colchester
Attendance: 2 x Colchester (1 x aerial ladder platform)
Firefighters rescued a woman this evening who got stuck up a tree trying to rescue a cat.
A fire service spokesperson said: "The woman in her twenties was trying to retrieve a neighbour's cat that was up in the tree. The woman decided to climb up the tree to help rescue the cat and got her self stuck at least 20ft up in the tree."
The woman was led down to safety by a firefighter using a triple extension ladder by 18:28hrs. The cat made it's own way down.
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