UK : East : More 80s Throw Backs I was watching the news and this proper spun me out when I first saw it in the title sequence..
Thought I was having a "life on mars" moment..
(this happens fairly often as suburban Ipswich in 2008 is not unlike London in the late 80s/early 90s), and when I first saw it I was watching the news in the aftermath of a particularly hectic weekend
I was trying to explain to work colleagues what I had seen on the news title but no one
Men Are Just Happier People– What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £5000. Tux rental-£100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is £8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for
25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
UK : NE : A Geordie rat called Tony Blair creates art Banksy is famous for his stencilled rats, now the rats are getting creative..
NIBBLING on an avocado, pet rat Tony Blair has not been raiding the fridge – he is busy creating his latest masterpiece.
His canvas may be foliage, fabrics and electrical cables, but the talented rodent is causing a stir in the art world after his owner Helena Seget discovered his potential.
http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/north-east-news/todays-evening-chronicle/2008/03/01/rat-art-revealed-on-gallery-website-72703-20545640/
http://www.saatchi-gallery.co.uk/yourgallery/artist_profile/Tony+Blair/63019.html
Nice one dickheads. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/beds/bucks/herts/7267256.stm
More than 50 cannabis plants found at a man's home have gone missing, despite a policeman being on duty outside the front door, a court has heard.
UK : Wales/Cymru : Heddlu fight over driving a new police van! Pcs' 'squabble' over police van
A police officer punched a colleague in the face following a "petty squabble" over who was going to drive a force van, Newport Crown Court has heard. Pc Byron Emerson-Thomas, 37, wanted first go in the van at the start of a night shift because it was fitted with a new radio, the trial heard.
He denies wounding Pc Aled Bartlett, who needed eight stitches after the incident at a Cardiff police station.
Pc Emerson-Thomas will claim he acted in self-defence, the jury was told.
He has been suspended since the incident last May at Fairwater police station in the city.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7253207.stm
Breakfast She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the "T" shirt that she normally slept in.
As he walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment."
His eyes lit up and he thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day."
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her "T" shirt still around her neck.
A little puzzled, he asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken"
Anyone been tempted to hide behind a display at the supermarket, and when someone picks up a pack of meat to make the animal noises associated with the species which is now neatly chopped up and packaged in the plastic container they have picked up?
I've always wanted to do this, but been put off by the fact that I'm supposed to have matured a bit, and I can't really afford to get banned from the village store as it is a primary source of food for me at lunchtime etc...
anyway its too small and there is too much CCTV to get a good hiding place..12
Get Your Own Back Lads!! When girls don't put out!!
This was written by a guy ... it's pretty damn smart.
Girls -- Please have a sense of humour!
Quote:
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.' We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said,
'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
:biggreen:
Paxo berates M&S for poor quality underpants. "Their pants no longer provide adequate support," he was quoted as saying after an e-mail to the company was leaked.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7199696.stm
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