UK : LDN(S) : The mice are taking over.. da micedem r reprezenting their endz...
Screams heard down the line at call centre
Dec 7 2007
A MOUSE invasion at a council call centre has been halted, according to officials.
Some staff were left in a panic and watching the floor at Southwark council's London Bridge call centre after the rodents were seen in their office.
People calling to pay their rent, council tax, and sort out rubbish collections could hear screams in the background as terrified phone operators jumped on their seats.
But officials say a pest control team has visited twice and the problem is now under control. One operator said: "It's been really funny because people have been jumping and screaming all the time.
"It has got better, but it isn't totally sorted. Some of the women are still shrieking and standing on their chairs at odd moments during the day. "It's actually upset quite a few of the staff and to a certain extent we understand what people are feeling when they ring up for the pest control team."
Tower Bridge and Camberwell magistrates' courts, and Southwark town hall have all had mice problems this year.
A Southwark council spokesman said: "A couple of mice were spotted at the call centre by staff. "The building's owners sent in a pest control team two weeks ago, and they came back on November 21.
"No mice have been seen since, so the problem seems to have been solved."
Gripe sheets After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and
the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By
the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident. ... Enjoy!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Sometimes we do need a rocket scientist (true story incidentally)
Scientists at Roll Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, and military jets, all travelling at maximum velocity.The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.
When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield,
smashed it to smithereens,
blasted through the control console,
snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and
embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin,
like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Yanks sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the British scientists for suggestions.
You're going to love this......
Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:..............
"Defrost the chicken.
:biggreen:
todays news
Quote:
Mr Ambler, 48, a chef who trained in Toulouse, wants to run a French brassiere, which specialises in Suffolk meat in the 600 square metre former ballroom. It would be called Arlington.
I know there are some big ladies here, but surely referring to them as Suffolk meat is a bit non-PC these days?
from here (may end up being corrected if/when Archant realise the typo...)
http://www.eveningstar.co.uk/content/eveningstar/news/story.aspx?brand=ESTOnline&category=News&tBrand=ESTOnline&tCategory=News&itemid=IPED01%20Dec%202007%2008%3A10%3A01%3A387
(
Down on the farm A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter:
Mother: "What does the cow say?"
Child: "Moo!"
Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?"
Child: "Meow."
Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the pig say?"
And this wide-eyed little 3 yr. old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied,
"your under arrest!"
Judge sends 46 people to jail :laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:
Mobile phones can really be a pain in the a**
But jailing them..Mmmm
Quote:
A judge in Niagara Falls, New York, has apologized for jailing nearly four dozen people over a ringing mobile phone in his courtroom, his attorney said Wednesday.
In removing City Court Judge Robert Restaino from office Tuesday, the state Commission on Judicial Conduct called his decision to lock up 46 people after no one claimed ownership of the phone "a gross deviation from the proper role of a judge."
But Restaino's lawyer, Terrence Connors, said Wednesday the judge "profoundly apologizes for his actions" during the March 2005 hearing and will appeal the panel's ruling.
Full Story
Summary of Life
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . . having a drivers licence.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers licence.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
:weee:
Homer Simpson smokes pot [myspace]15317 708[/myspace]
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=15317708
:laugh_at::laugh_at:
BE : A Belgian chap escapes his National Service Taken from Tribal Living forum...
This is a story from a Belgian hippy. When he was younger, they still had National Service..
I have always been against the army..
so..I had to go for check up tests to get admitted..
I faked..told the doc I had bad eyesight..to escape army duty..
doctor asked me to hold my hand before 1 eye...
and read from a distance...all these alphabetical signs..
I told them all wrong on purpose..doctor scratched his head..
he held a pencil in the air..and asked..what do you see,mate??
I said..a broomstick doc said..mate..your eyes are really bad..
i disqualify you from military service..I was having a good laugh inside..
went into Brussels town..and felt like I could shout my happiness away..
i went to see a James Bond movie..so..in the middle of the film..
in Belgium..we have a break..lights went on...damn..who was sitting
next to me??that bloody doctor..who checked my eyes..
damn..he asked..what's this all about,bloke??
you're watching a movie here..and claim to have bad eyesight??
I said..doctor..is this the bus from Brussels to Antwerp??bwahah..
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