That hurt Found this on the internet. I did not know how to describe it in the title so I put That hurt.
In fact some of this compilation is very disturbing and dark so be prepared.
Have a watch
http://funhouse.bubble.ro/992/Best_of_the_Internet_in_12_minutes/
peter kays observations tidying my emails come across this,i know this has done the rounds but for those who missed it..:love:
Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
You're never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
You never know where to look when eating a banana.
Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
You never ever run out of salt.
Old ladies can eat more than you think.
You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
Bricks are horrible to carry.
In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
raaa
The Lawyers game… A lawyer and a Jamaican man happen to be sitting next to each other on
a long flight from L.A. to New York . The lawyer leans over to him and
asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Jamaican is tired and just wants
to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.
He explains how the game works . "I ask you a question, and if you
don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-versa." Again, the Jamaican
politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a Jamaican he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer. "Okay, how about this If you don't know the answer you
pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the Jamaican's attention and, figuring that there will be
no end to this torment unless he plays, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth
to the moon?"
The Jamaican doesn't say a word, reaches in to his wallet, pulls out a
five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the Jamaican's turn. He asks the lawyer . . "What goes up a
hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop
computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air-phone
with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress.
Frustrated he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows.
All to no avail. After over an hour of searching for the answer he finally
gives up.
He wakes the Jamaican and hands him $500. The Jamaican politely takes
the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who cannot
imagine what the answer is, and is going nuts trying to figure it out,
is more than a little frustrated! He wakes the Jamaican and asks . . "Well, so what
goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"?
The Jamaican reaches into his wallet, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to
sleep.
KE : "Sexist" monkeys harrass village women, steal crops… ooo-ooo-ooo!
A troop of vervet monkeys is giving Kenyan villagers long days and sleepless nights, destroying crops and causing a food crisis.
Earlier this month, local MP Paul Muite urged the Kenyan Wildlife Service to help contain their aggressive behaviour.
But Mr Muite caused laughter when he told parliament that the monkeys had taken to harassing and mocking women in a village.
But this is exactly what the women in the village of Nachu, just south-west of Kikuyu, are complaining about.
full article here..
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/6959209.stm
UK : Midlands : Here kitty kitty… must cost her a lot in cat food..
http://news.bbc.co.uk/player/nol/newsid_6950000/newsid_6957700/6957732.stm?bw=bb&mp=wm&nol_storyid=6957732&news=1#
Giant lego man found
reuters wrote:
A giant, smiling Lego man was fished out of the sea in the Dutch resort of Zandvoort on Tuesday.
Workers at a drinks stall rescued the 2.5-meter (8-foot) tall model with a yellow head and blue torso.
"We saw something bobbing about in the sea and we decided to take it out of the water," said a stall worker. "It was a life-sized Lego toy."
A woman nearby added: "I saw the Lego toy floating toward the beach from the direction of England."
article is here
:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:
I thought when I saw the title it was a pisstake :groucho:
Tescos A man was in a long line at his local Tesco store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register.
She asked, 'What size condoms?
The customer replied that he didn't know.
She asked him to drop his trousers. He did.
She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, 'One box of large condoms, Till 5.
The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could
have some brought to the register for him.
She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know.
She asked him to drop his trousers. He did.
She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, 'One box of medium-sized condoms, Till 5.
A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance.
When he got to the till he told the checker he needed some condoms.
She asked him what size and he said he didn't know.
She asked him to drop his trousers and he did.
She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the intercom and said...
'Mop and bucket, Till 5
UK : East : What the well-heeled chav needs in his/her kitchen.. Found this whilst looking for a knife sharpener..
(for non locals, Chantry is a large estate area in Ipswich known for being "a bit rough")
If you can't beat knife crime, then cash in on it with a branded product!
US/UK : things really are big in Texas.. This is the AT&T main telephone exchange in Houston, Texas.. (look at the car park at the bottom to get an idea of its size..)
This is a local telephone exchange in Suffolk, England (I was cycling past it and wondered "why put a shed in the middle of nowhere?" and thought I would investigate :groucho:)
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