once there were… 3 men are sittin in a sauna, an American, a Japanese and an Irishman. they heard a BLEEP sound and the American touches his arm and says thats my pager, I got a microchip under my skin. next a phone rings and the jap lifts his palm to his ear and says I have a micro chip in my hand. The Irish man feeling very low-tech goes to the loo and comes back with toilet paper hangin from his arse.
he says 'oh jaysus, wutcha look at that , im gettin a fax'
:cry:
UK : Scot : Subtle Scots humour from Royal Mail…. The royal mail sent us a leaflet at work about special stamp issues (you get them if you buy stamps in bulk on line). One issue is a series of stamps about "Celebrating England", with the usual stuff like St George, the Houses of Parliament, some castles etc...
As is normal, it mentioned that collectors can get a first day cover with a special postmark - and in line with todays devolved UK, you can select an English or Scottish postmark (either from Telford or Edinburgh).
Presumably some person at each of these Royal Mail offices decides what the messages are.
The English postmark message is
"Cry God for Harry! England and St George!" (William Shakespeare)
However the Scottish message is..
"England with all thy faults I love thee still" (William Cowper)
:laugh_at:
UK : East : A car sticker I saw in town on the back of a red old-style Volvo (the sort of thing a farmer would drive), travelling towards the rural areas from the Norwich road end of town..
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica]"Don't rush me, I'm from Suffolk."
:laugh_at:
[/FONT]
who are your favourite British comedians? who are your favourite British comedians?
some of mine are..
- the Goodies/Willie Rushton/I'm sorry I haven't a clue team (pretty much the same lot)
- Spike Milligan
- Tommy Cooper
- the two Ronnies
- Morecambe and Wise
- Lenny Henry (in the 80s before he got too pretentious, delbert wilkins was top stuff, and the ooookayy bloke whose name I cannot remember)
- Rik Mayall
- Reeves and Mortimer
- Phil Cornwell (Gilbert the Alien, Stella Street)
- Paul Merton
I have a liking of both "alternative" (i.e intellectual/surreal) and visual comedy combined, even with elements of "end of the pier" type humour (probably due to the era I grew up in)....
Thats all I can think of for the moment (at least only half of them are dead/OAPs)12
DE : Dog blasts its neighbours with loud music.. http://uk.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUKL1315443220070416
BERLIN (Reuters) - A German dog locked inside a caravan turned on his absent master's radio and left it blasting out music, setting off howls from neighbours and prompting police to cut power to the mobile home.
"The dog seems to have switched on the radio on while sniffing around, and somehow turned it up full blast," said a spokesman for police in the eastern city of Dresden on Friday. "Residents began calling to complain about the noise, so we had to intervene."
Officers cut the power supply to the mobile home after finding the black mongrel locked inside with the music blaring, and left a note for the absent 57-year-old owner.
The man, who was on holiday in the city, later told police he had gone out and never listened to music so loud himself.
UK : Midlands : Man pulls a plane with his ears.. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2305170.html?menu=news.quirkies
Man pulls passenger jet with ears
A Leicester man is hoping to walk into the record books after pulling a passenger jet with his ears.
Manjit Singh from Leicester pulls an eight-ton Jetstream 41 with his ears /PA pics.
Manjit Singh, 57, pulled the aircraft 12ft along the apron at East Midlands Airport, at Castle Donington in Leicestershire, reports the BBC.
He will now send off video footage of the record attempt to be verified by officials at the Guinness World Book of Records.
The Jetstream passenger plane weighed approximately 7.4 tonnes.
Manjit already holds 30 world records, which include pulling a double decker bus with his hair and lifting 85 kg with his ears.
Speaking after the record attempt, he said: "I don't feel too bad, I have a little bit of pain around the ears but I'm ok.
"I feel really, really pleased that I've managed to achieve this and am very grateful to the people who made it possible."
The attempt raised money for his charity Manjit Fitness, which aims to get children living in his native Mahilpur, India involved in sport.
CN : Chinese flee from a toy leopard… aiyaa!
Toy leopard sparks panic
A toy black leopard left lying in a footpath sparked panic in a Chinese city.
A toy leopard left lying in a footpath sparked panic in Xiamen city, China /Lu Feng
The 3ft stuffed toy scared pedestrians and caused a traffic jam in Xiamen city.
A witness told Xiamen Daily: "Dogs were scared and passers-by were running for their lives. Some of them ran into traffic, causing a back-up."
Eventually, police officers arrived with an armed anaesthetist from the local Haicang Zoo.
"After observing for a while, we saw the leopard was stationary, so one of the officers gingerly went ahead and touched it. Then we realised it's a toy," said a police spokesman.
Stripped of the shelves A Belgian lager with a risque marketing strategy has been stripped from sale.
Bottles of Rubbel Sexy Lager featured a picture of a woman with a removable swimsuit on the label.
Drinkers could scratch her clothes off to leave her naked.
Alcohol industry regulator the Portman Group has ruled the name of the drink and the scantily-clad model could lead drinkers to associate the product with sexual success.
The group had received a complaint from trading standards officers in Buckinghamshire.
The lager is produced by Brouwerij Huyghe and had been imported to the UK by Beer Paradise Ltd. It has now been withdrawn from sale.
:laugh_at::laugh_at: Don't think we have that beer in Denmark
One way to get past roadblocks… I was trying to satisfy my curiosity as to whether I had correctly identified last weekends Police helicopter (heddlucopter?) as an Aerospatiale AS-355 (which I had), but found this as well (partly inspired by one of our new users usernames :groucho:)
Picture courtesy of the Civil Aviation Authority of Great Britain...
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