The English language [FONT=times new roman,helvetica]English language[/FONT]
[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]The English Language
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at: No wonder I'm confused sometimes..
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Did I drink too much or…..
reuters.co.uk wrote:
In a novel move to curb drunk driving, New Mexico is using talking urinals to remind drinkers to not get behind the wheel when drunk.
The state transportation department said on Thursday it has put some 500 talking deodorizers in bar and restaurant restrooms in the state in recent days to remind drivers not to drink and drive.
"Hey big guy, having a few drinks? Then listen up!" a voice chirps in. "Think you had one too many? Then it's time to call a cab or call a sober friend for a ride home."
The full report is here
I think it would freak me right out if it happened to me :scared:
:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:
Top 10 Data Disasters Could be me :laugh_at::laugh_at:
10.
Helicopter Hi-jinks – Employees of a global telecommunications company dropped a laptop computer while working from a helicopter in Monaco. ****** successfully retrieved vital files on the laptop and sent them through an FTP server for a meeting in Hong Kong the very next day.
9.
Wash the Data Away – On a flight from London to Warsaw, a passenger packed his laptop and toiletries in the same bag. Unfortunately, his shampoo leaked and flooded everything in the bag, including the laptop, causing the hard drive to fail. In order to recover all of the data, ****** engineers had to do some washing of their own – cleaning the hard drive and other components in order to get the drive functioning.
8.
Not a Jolly Occasion – British comedian Dom Joly, presenter and co-creator of Trigger Happy TV, dropped his laptop, damaging a hard drive that held five thousand photos, six thousand songs, half a book he was writing and all of his old newspaper columns. Having read the tragic story in a newspaper column written by Mr. Joly, ****** contacted him and was able to recover everything.
7.
Rescuing the Research – A leading UK research university suffered a catastrophic data loss after a fire broke out in the computer science department on a weekend morning, damaging computer equipment with smoke and water from the fire department’s efforts.****** was called onsite to rescue thirty computers and recovered more than a terabyte of data.
6.
Beware of Bananas – A customer left an old banana on the top of his external hard drive which proceeded to seep its contents into the drive, ruining the circuitry. The drive would no longer run, but****** was able to clean the drive and repair the circuit board so the drive would spin long enough to recover his data. The banana, however, could not be recovered.
5.
Hard Drive Speed Bump – It happens every year, but people continue to leave computers and hard drives in the path of moving vehicles. This year alone, ****** recovered from a laptop that was run over by a “people mover” at the airport, and several external hard drives stuffed in a backpack that was backed over by a truck.
4.
Tenth Time’s the Charm – A man reformatted his hard drive not once, not twice, but ten times before he realized there was some valuable information he needed recovered. Luckily for him, it only took ****** one try to recover the information.
3.
Finding Nemo – A customer returned from the vacation of a lifetime in Barbados to discover that he couldn’t access any of the snorkeling photos he took on his new “waterproof” digital camera. It seems the camera wasn’t as waterproof as advertised, so ****** had to rescue all of his prized tropical fish photos.
2.
Squeaky Drive Gets the Grease – A university professor heard a squeaking noise from the drive of his new desktop computer. To solve the annoying problem, he opened the case and sprayed the inside of the drive with WD-40. Although successful in stopping the drive from squeaking, his actions also prevented the drive from booting up. ****** got the drive working again and recovered his data.
And finally, the number one most remarkable data disaster of 2006…
1.
Sock it to Me – Although the circumstances of the original data loss were unremarkable, the problem was intensified when the customer shipped his drive to Ontrack in a pair of dirty socks. The old socks didn’t provide the necessary protection during shipping and the resulting damage made the recovery more challenging than normal. Next time, he’ll stick with bubble wrap, but in the meantime, ****** successfully recovered his data too.
Marketing stunt backfires :laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:
Not good.... not good
Shame on Dr Pepper
Quote:
Cadbury Schweppes has apologised after a marketing stunt forced the closure of a historic graveyard in the US city of Boston.
The 347-year-old Old Granary Burial Ground was shut after Cadbury's Dr Pepper unit hid a gold coin there as part of a 23-city treasure hunt promotion.
Thousands of people flocked to the cemetery to find the coin, prompting fears that graves would be desecrated.
The cemetery is the final resting place of American Revolutionary patriots Paul Revere, Samuel Adams and John Hancock, as well as about 5,000 other people.
Customers entering the promotion bought specially-marked bottles of Dr Petter each day to get codes printed on them.
Entering the codes on the Dr Pepper website brought up daily clues.
The 29th clue for Boston indicated the coin was in the vicinity of the Orpheum Theatre, across the street from the cemetery, with the 30th and final clue saying: "You're hot on the trail, though the place may feel chilly.
The coin rests by the name of a patriot at rest in Philly."
That clue was released Tuesday at 3 am, and within minutes, dozens of people were camped out in front of the cemetery, waiting for it to open.
Cadbury Schweppes donated the $10,000 (£5,000) Boston prize to the graveyard for "its time and trouble,'' the Boston Globe reported.
It also said that the company would pay the city $500 (£255) for a police team called to guard the cemetery.
The problems caused Dr Pepper to cancel the entire promotion, meaning that the top prize of $1m (£510,000) will not be won.
"It absolutely is disrespectful," said Boston Parks Commissioner Toni Pollak. "It's an affront to the people who are buried there, our nation's ancestors."
http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,91059-1253153,00.html
Wacky Warnings 'Wacky warnings' rewarded in US
The warning appears on coin-operated washing machines
A washing machine complete with a warning not to put anybody inside has been given an award for the "wackiest warning" by a US lobby group.
The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch says the tendency of Americans to sue companies has gone too far, encouraging absurd warning labels on products.
But others say warning labels can play a role in protecting the public.
An engine manufacturer which warned "Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level" won second prize.
Excessive litigation
Warnings not to dry wet mobile phones in microwave ovens and not to iron lottery tickets tied for third place.
Honourable mentions went to a phonebook which advised: "Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle".
The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (M-Law) is campaigning to cut down on what it considers the harmful effects of excessive litigation in the United States.
The winning labels were selected by listeners of a Detroit radio station from a list compiled by M-Law.
The group began the Wacky Warning Labels contest 10 years ago as part of its campaign to have "common sense warnings on products", M-Law says on its website.
But a spokesperson from the washing machine maker whose label bagged top prize, said its warning is valid.
:laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:123
this is working class Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"
Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"
Son: "What is Politics?"
Father: "Well, let's take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her "Government". We take care of your need, so let's call you "The People". We'll call the maid "The Working Class" and your little brother, we can call "The Future". Do you understand son?
Son: "I'm not really sure, dad. I'll have to think about it."
That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: "Dad, now I think i understand what politics is."
Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"
Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of shit."
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