smart arse answers from boreme.com Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
Smart Ass Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Smart Ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Smart Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles, Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,"Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
Smart Ass Answer #1:
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
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Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term paper.
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until All Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
Todays Chinglish lesson… This is from the switching and distribution unit you would use for a large water pump..
JJ10 reduce pressure and start switch board what JJ No. 1 reduce pressure and start switch board retrofit product suitable for exchanging 50 HZs by this series of products since coupling since coupling( or 60 HZs), The voltage is 380 Vs, the power is from 18. KW three-phase mice envelope 5 - type act as and reduce pressure and start, Having had year, lack many kinds of protection of holding up to electronic machines etc, this series of products are done while forming a complete set for the submersible pump of our factory specially, Increase electrical machinery exceed warm to protect by stator and water pump oil room leak and protect and make corresponding to show to troubles.
18KW! They must breed some big mice out there! I wonder what size their cage wheel is? I suppose it is renewable energy though... :laugh_at:
Mmmmm burgers :weee: :weee: :weee: Mmmmm burgers!!
Two police officers are suing Burger King after claiming they were served burgers which had been sprinkled with marijuana.
Mark Landavazo and Henry Gabalson were in uniform and riding in a marked patrol car when they bought food at a Burger King restaurant in Los Lunas, New Mexico.
They ate about half of their burgers before discovering marijuana on the meat.
They used a field test kit for confirmation of the substance and then went to a hospital for medical tests.
Three Burger King employees, Justin Armijo, 19, Robert Nuckols, 21, and manager Joseph Ledesma, 33, were arrested and charged with possession of marijuana and aggravated battery on an officer.
The policemen's civil action seeks punitive and compensatory damages and they are alleging personal injury, negligence, battery and violation of fair practices.
Their lawyer Sam Bregman said: "It gives a whole new meaning to the word 'Whopper'.
"The idea that these hoodlums would put marijuana into a hamburger and therefore attempt to impair law enforcement officers trying to do their jobs is outrageous."
While the case is already the subject of jokes on US chat shows, Mr Bregman said it was "deadly serious".
He said: "God forbid these officers didn't realise their burgers were laced with pot and then were called to a violent situation where they'd have to draw their firearms.
"Their lives were placed in danger because of these idiots and Burger King."
The company has refused to comment as it has a policy against discussing pending court cases.
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