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A friend with depression… Need advice

Forums Life Health & Medicine Depression A friend with depression… Need advice

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  • Talk some more then talk some more, then get her to get some professional help…the best U can do is to be there for her…

    Sounds like you have done all you can just try and be there for her. On mobile at moment will try to reply properly later.

    @!sinner69! 534528 wrote:

    Talk some more then talk some more, then get her to get some professional help…the best U can do is to be there for her…

    Trouble is she refuses to speak about it to any of her family. I don’t know how i could get her that professional help as she is impossible to convince that it’s the right option

    You should advise her to speak to her GP. It will be i confidence and he will hopefully be able to give her a referral to the correct kind of therapist.

    @Seasonz 534530 wrote:

    Trouble is she refuses to speak about it to any of her family. I don’t know how i could get her that professional help as she is impossible to convince that it’s the right option

    thats why you shall talk some more, talk until she agree to get some help, family is not always a good option…they often have other obstacles in the relations with her

    @!sinner69! 534535 wrote:

    thats why you shall talk some more, talk until she agree to get some help, family is not always a good option…they often have other obstacles in the relations with her

    It’s a good point. I have done many attempts at convincing her it’s the right thing to do, but i will continue until she gives in i suppose 🙂

    All you can do is be there for her and reccomend she gets help. It is a tough cycle to break.

    this is unfortunately very common at your age group. just because someone has a “good” life doesn’t mean they are secure as they are still made to feel guilty about it especially in the socially competitive environment of young people in East Anglia. She might not talk to her boyfriend because she is being controlled and bullied by him (loads of this bad shit goes down with teens today to the point there is a special police/social services unit to deal with it), or other “friends” especially girls secretly judge her and resent her. I work not too far from you in company where there are a lot of people from the same village and they all know each others business and claim to be friends but are always in social competition, and these are not little girls any more but young adult women in their 20s to 40s.

    The best you can do as others have said is to get her to talk to an external counsellor. Most year 12/13 schools/FE colleges have access to this sort of help.

    Auch wenn du am Abgrund stehst, und gar nichts mehr verstehst,
    wachen Engel über dich, halten dich im Licht und lassen dich nie fallen.

    I’ve suffered from major bouts of manic depression on and off for a decade now so I can see her perception. Telling her she needs help for herself may not work because either she’s in denial of the severity or is in such a negative frame of mind she doesn’t want the help.

    You need to gain her trust (which you already seemed to have done when she confided in you) and make her realise the impact of her decline is affecting others. Let her know others do care and want to help. Then she may accept professional attention. Worked for me at least.

    Alright, I’ve taken that all onboard. Thanks for all your input and suggestions everyone

    arrange to go out somewhere and talk to her properly face to face. just let her know that you and plenty of other people are there for her no matter what, and she should strongly consider going to the gp because if not things will only get worse. gp’s should hopefully be very understanding and sympathetic towards her situations and they will do whatever they can to try and help

    One heads up for this region, athough the NHS do the best they can, GP appointments can often be hard to get very quickly especially if someone does not have an immediately life threatening physical health condition. I found this out myself after a health scare last year (which turned out thankfully to be minor). Also the surgery may not be within safe travelling distance and if she is dependent on other family members for transport she could be again judged by her own family for “taking up the NHS time when not needed”. High achieving middle class families can often be the worst for this.

    it sounds like you are both in year 12/13 or maybe the first year of higher education just prior to exams. This is a known stressful time and in all these cases its normally relatively easy to make an appointment to see a sympathetic counsellor who can also work with the NHS if required.

    Auch wenn du am Abgrund stehst, und gar nichts mehr verstehst,
    wachen Engel über dich, halten dich im Licht und lassen dich nie fallen.

    Let her know that you’re there for her when she needs to talk, don’t try to pressure her in to opening up if she isnt wanting to but do make sure that she knows she can approach you when she needs to. Apart from that when in her company try and make some fun & lighthearted banter.
    She may have a really shit time at home /with relatives and needs you guys to take her mind off negativeness and just ‘be’.

    @korno 534710 wrote:

    when in her company try and make some fun

    ^^I was about to suggest this too.

    All you can do is talk to her about it, or more to the point listen to her talk about it, if she doesn’t want to talk, then it’s very unlikely you’ll be able to force her to talk about it, and that’s not a good idea anyway, so the best thing you can do is try and cheer her up when you spend time together, just to give her some relief from what ever is bugging her. I would still try and suggest she seeks out professional help, and I think it’s a good idea that you let her know there’s no shame in doing this and they will be wanting to help her as much as they can and will not judge her.

    Make sure she knows you are there for her no matter what, and give her as much support as she needs/wants (which I’m sure you are already doing). Try and explain that what ever she is feeling now that is making her feel bad, wont last forever (as it can often feel like when someone is depressed). Try not to be patronizing in doing this though; As I’ve made this mistake before in a similar situation, and it can make the chances of open dialog about the issues going on in her head worse as she might think you’re “getting on her case” or something.

    It’s better to casually talk about it, rather then make a big deal about talking about it, that way the conversation is more natural, and she’s more likely to open up, as opposed to if she felt like you were pressuring her to seek help or talk to you about it. However, it is important that if she’s not getting better, to keep trying, as she does need help if she doesn’t start to feel less depressed and is still self harming. That’s the tricky part, finding the right balance of trying to persuade her to seek help, and maintaining the close bond with her where she feels like she can open up to you, as if she associates talking openly about it with you to you pressuring her to seek help, then she may decide it’s easier not to talk to you at all about it, and this is not what you want. You have to be delicate in the way you suggest her seeking help.

    Also I wanna add that you might want to try and get the point across that she should seek help in a way that doesn’t overly make her feel like there’s something wrong with her, as sometimes the thought of having something wrong with you or being “defective” can be a big part of depression. Try to explain it more like that there are people who can support her and work through what’s going on in her life, rather then just saying something like “you need to get help, these people will fix you” (obviously you wouldn’t say that, but it”s an exaggerated example so you can see what I’m trying to explain).

    It could be general depression about everything, or there could be something specific that’s happened, but until you know which, imo it’s better to treat it like she’s generally depressed and hopefully then, when/if she’s ready she will tell you if it’s something specific that’s triggered this. If it isn’t something specific, then it’s not a good idea to “go fishing” for a singular reason that’s caused it as this will seam weird to her I would imagine and could make her feel you are acting strange, and you want her to feel comfortable talking to you.

    Try not to use any negative language when discussing it with her as her depression could feed off it, you have to be the source of positivity in her life that will play a big part in helping her get into a better frame of mind and have a more healthy outlook on life. Until she fully explains what the problems are, this is the best you can do for her.

    It might also be worth while YOU going to talk to a counselor to get advice on how to deal with this situation. They should be able to give you some good advice I would imagine. Also there are people like the Samaritans you can phone for advice (It might be worth while seeing if it would be more comfortable for her to talk to someone on the phone first, as any step in the right direction is good and it doesn’t seam like such a big deal compared to physically going to a place to see someone, and it will break down the barrier of her not wanting to seek help at all a little bit). A quick Google search will get you the phone number, and also the phone numbers of any local places where you might be able to talk to someone about it in person.

    I hope she cheers up asap, and wish you the best for when trying to help her!

    protip: If you want the samaritans number just google best way to commit suicide

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Forums Life Health & Medicine Depression A friend with depression… Need advice