So this has been ongoing ever since we got married…My husband is in the marines and is finishing up his schooling right now. We got married while he was on boot leave back in August of 2013. We used to have sex at least twice a week before he left for boot camp.
I’m not really sure if anything’s changed but I just don’t want to have sex anymore. I’m never horny like I used to somewhat be, and I haven’t masturbated in months. I still love my husband and think he’s attractive and all that jazz but thinking about sex just turns me off.
I think maybe it’s because I’ve never gotten off from it. Sex feels like nothing to me, like most women (don’t lie!) and even if he tries to touch me, it just doesn’t feel good. He’s gotten me off a few times with oral but I feel awkward when he’s doing something for me and I’m not doing anything for him.
We’ve tried 69 but he either gets off before me and then is too tired to continue or gets distracted and I make him stop so I can finish him and get it over with. Sex has really become a chore for me. He asks for it every single day and gets upset and angry when I tell him no.
It’s even become something to bargain with… if I want to do something and he doesn’t, he wants sex out of it because he knows I don’t want to have sex and it’s honestly the only way he’ll get it now.
It’s starting to drive a wedge between us and I don’t know if I should feel guilty or be upset with him. We’re a very young married couple, but we’re both willing to work things out when problems come up. It’s just I don’t know how to fix this one. I’ve been told by my friends that I shouldn’t have to have sex if I don’t want it, but at the same time, he’s used to having sex multiple times a week and now he maybe gets it a few times a month and I suppose he feels cheated. Actually, he broke down one night and told me every time I reject him, it makes him feel inadequate and like something is wrong with him. And I always tell him I love him and I shouldn’t have to prove it through sex but it’s not getting through to him. Every time I say no, he thinks it’s because I don’t love him.
So I don’t know what to do. Trust me, I WISH I had a high sex drive. But it’s not as easy as just doing it. Every time I give in and just do it, I lay there praying for it to be over as soon as possible. I don’t enjoy myself. He tries to get me to enjoy it but I just can’t. And it’s not as easy as just letting go and relaxing. For me, it’s like me telling you to go streak naked through a mall. It’s embarassing beyond belief, and afterwords you feel humiliated. Heck, I kiss with my eyes open because closing them feels unnatural and weird. Maybe this whole issue has something to do with my insecurities, but I’m sick of being pestered for sex every single day and then guilt-tripped and feel bad when he’s upset with me…
Are we both in the wrong? Is there anything I can do or say to make things better?
