Party Vibe

@LFB2009 382372 wrote:

JohnUK, I must admit normally when i see a post as big as that i read a little then skip but this time found myself reading the whole thing!

Glad you liked it. It sounds a lot like I’m complaining, asking for attention of people to feel sorry for me. I’m most definitely not. One of the prime reasons for me ending up where I am now, having to make regular visits to the special people, OR ELSE, is due to me not complaining in the first place. It’s exactly like that episode of the Simpsons where Ned goes crazy, because he’s been too polite to Homer for so long with him stealing all his stuff or breaking it.

How old are you if you don’t me asking?

Physically, 25, mentally, unknown. There are aspects about me mentally that are now so tired with life, already, that I’ve understood what jeriatric patients mean when they say it’s time for them to go and that they’re just tired, for years; way beyond being upset. For other aspects, a 5 year old could do better than I.

Every girl I’ve been around has said they can’t tell what I’m thinking about or how I’m feeling. They seem to have a hard time deciding whether I’m gay or straight, let alone anything else.

An excellent skill for lying to people, not so great for getting along with everyone when it becomes such a universal response that you can barely shake it off even when you’re trying your hardest. I dislike lying to anyone about anything. But lying about my personality and what I’ve been up to has played a very significant role in my life up until now. To the point that I’ve lost the ability to know if I’m happy or sad, angry or calm, or who I am. The crazy collectors asked me a lot of questions regarding that. I couldn’t reply to any of them.

I can even give you an example of how much I dislike lying. The time I turned up at someones house with a kitchen knife, I was returning £10 the girls son had lent me to buy some medicine with. The guy she was with at the time was the one threatening me with the revenge of the addicts, which meant I had to take the knife with me in case he decided to start anything whilst he had me locked in the house. I still took the money back. I’m not going to rip off some kids pocket money, which he needs to spend on his girl.

But this is entirely at odds to how honest I about my personality or interests. Which are a lifetimes worth of lying, everyday, up through the nights.

I’ve been fairly fixed in my mentality since I was about 16. A lot of what life has taught me since then hasn’t been entirely positive and has gotten me close to some very serious trouble.

You may now be wondering why a 25 year old is at home. I know, it’s stupid. I was at university for two years but got kicked out. I was up to no good there and wasted a lot of money. Since I came home, I’ve been trying to make one last ditched attempt to sort the place out, since I know my mum will end up forgotten in an old peoples home, even sadder than she is now, if I don’t. But it’s not working, and my own life is slipping away so quickly; I’ve already lost what so many would describe as the happiest years of their life.

My A-levels are also not good enough for me to get into the kinds of courses I’m interested in via normal routes. But, all things working out right, I will be going to study neuroscience at one of the more impressive universities later this year, hopefully meeting some ‘normals’ along the way and being able to acclimatise myself to their strange ways.

My aim is to produce a mind scanner that’ll strip your thoughts out of your brain. :you_crazy More commonly know to the layman as an enhanced variation of MEG.

As you seem to have a lot of ‘life experience’. I’ve always said people grow with experience rather then age. And i find this true by just looking at my mates. One who’s dad died when he was in his teens grew up a lot faster (because he had to) and started a family and genrally moved along in life a lot faster then me and the rest of mates who had no reponsibites ans just pissed about untill afew years ago.

I didn’t realise until I was just about to leave university that literally every single one of my friends, which didn’t number many, had problems with their families, usually split up or dead parents, or something like not having enough money to be there.

I had never set out to find these people. I only realized it when a mate, after two years of barely getting to know each other, told me his sister was a smack addict and that his family had split up, when we were rolling.

Anyway to answer your question about kids, i have a 9 month old girl and she is the best thing in my life! Untill you’ve had children you can’t imagine the joy they bring (yes i know this sounds like sentimental crap….but it’s true). The main thing that hit home was when my mum said to me “now you will understand how i feel about you” this was a ref to when she’s told me how much she loves me and how she worries when things aren’t going well for me and all i do is turn around and say “yeah mum i know, stop going on about it” you really do take for granted how your parents feel about you untill you have your own.

Another good thing about my daughter is she’s an anxiety/worry/anger/hurt killer as in i could be feeling anyone of these negative emotions but as soon as i pick her up and have her in my arms, they all just dissapear! It’s weird but it happens and i can’t explain why but it is an amazing feeling which no other drug or anything else can give you.

Any other parents out there who can secound this notion?

Thanks, inspiring stuff!

Now I just need to find a girlfriend who can put up with me. 😉

On the whole topic of psychiatric health, I’m not sure what to say. The GP’s usually can’t help much, they’ll refer you. Depending on precisely what’s happening to you, prozac might be all you need. They could just be sugar pills and they’d convince a lot of people they were getting better, knowing someone or something was supposed to be helping you.

The initial interviews you have when you’re being seen for these kinds of problem are embarrassing. You’ll find yourself sat in a room with two of them, one of them asking your some fairly personal questions and the other one watching you from the side. They told me they were doing that “Because it makes it easier to diagnose you”. The fact one of them obviously had no serious medical training makes me doubt that. I think it’s much more likely they’re their in case you flip out. Precisely what a girl my own age and a mature woman are going to do to stop me if I do, I’m not so sure about. Either way, it’s embarrassing, but it’s worth it if you’re in a state. If you’re not mental, yay! If you are, best that you’re on the pills before it gets out of control. Neither do the pills ‘brain wash’ you (something I was worried about, I asked the consultant if one of the side effects was “Turning me into a zombie” “No… we haven’t had any zombies”), they do so little it’s barely noticeable.

On being referred to the ‘specials’ unit, I spoke to a consultant ONCE. He was a very nice guy. I explained how much I’d been using drugs and he made the perfectly correct reply that “You’ve basically been running an experiment on yourself, right?” “Yep” “What did you find out?” “I’m not sure yet”. He even smiled when I told him how boring reality seemed to me.

Since then, I’ve spent numerous hours sat around in the place talking to a woman who not only isn’t anywhere near as medically qualified but she also doesn’t understand how that kind of life or the drugs actually effect you. I’ve told her more than once that my dad dying and taking drugs aren’t the reason I’m sat in front of her, but she’s reluctant to hear that. She also hasn’t done anything despite me saying I wanted to try something else or a different dosage of drugs.

I’ve since stopped taking both of them; and not gone for a blood test with it in mind that they could easily be using that test to track whether or not I’m taking the drugs. No change.

I used to cook meth, that’s a whole different level of paranoia. Both from the drug and the fact the cops really were watching us. They never got me LOL fucking pigs, they should make it legal to shoot them, then it would be fair.

Legalise shooting policemen, i think i’m on to a winner here.

@fryingsquirrel 382561 wrote:

I used to cook meth, that’s a whole different level of paranoia. Both from the drug and the fact the cops really were watching us. They never got me LOL fucking pigs, they should make it legal to shoot them, then it would be fair.

I said it in another thread, but you know they used to find 4/5 of you when you set fire to yourselves? :laugh_at:

@happyman 383419 wrote:

people i was gonna make a post on dis had sum mandy on the weekend and i tell u what the buzz was amazing cos i hadnt rolled dat good in years but when i went to sleep it was horrible i was paralyed i couldnt move for a few seconds all these noises coming towards me n my girlfriend was lyin next to me,she freaked out she sed my legs were stuck 2 hers because i had sweated so much after dat i had so many nightmares n they wouldnt go i wanted to dream lol not have loads of nitemares,it was scary i think mdma causes panic attacks and freezes ur brain,i been doing drugs for ten years now,more than most out there,not proud of it i aint,but ive learned from my mistakes ive only just realised that ive been wasting mandy cos i havnt been getting the magic i fort u wud ave it all da time but nah,we been sober thinking were on a good buzz but its psychological sadly mandy wont always give u that great amazing feeling,it all depends,i fink im immune 2 it lol

whats your favourite drug mate? never had paranoia on mandy but speed gives it to me very badly.

dont know about anxiety or paranoia but doing pharamacuticals like valium and tramadol and then just stopping them made me feel really wrong in the head, felt really depressed, luckily thats stopped now, but def not a very nice experience.

also smoking yabba or meth has given me pretty bad paranoia recently seeing as ive had the opportunity to try it. tried mixing it with mushrooms and lsd on a seperate occasion as well, the paranoia and anxiety from that was pretty horrific tbh, switching the curtains walking round the block thinking i was being followed, etc etc. def not very nice. glad ive knocked it all on the head now tbh, fuck doing that shit ever again.

2ai i wud say bruv dat one or DMC both just like coke,i cant wait to try that NRG 2 lets hope it aint as nasty as its prodecessor