Party Vibe

Hey there soldier.

Don’t worry, we don’t pass judgement here. Let it out, it’ll probably feel a load off to release it. I’m a drug addict myself. That probably doesn’t help you none but it’s true, I fully understand your situation. Initially you do it because it sounds fun, but then you quickly realise it acts as an excellent escape from life’s bothers, once a month soon becomes once a week, which itself becomes daily use as life outside the high becomes too intense or anxiety based. Then you decide to get your shit together, but you can’t because the substance has been part of you for so long that existence without it is just a dark void. Sound at all familiar? Hmm, maybe I’m wrong but that’s pretty much how it goes for most substance abusers.

@nikkitanoir 564861 wrote:

I used to just smoke weed every night & do the occasional bit of base, mandy, pills etc… But I have hit the base solidly since February & I know it’s not doing my mental state any good but I have needed them recently to block all the shit out… First time I have let my willpower win since my cocaine addiction 10years ago! what drugs do you do?

yes stimm addictions can be brutal but if you’ve managed to quit cocaine you stand a good chance of being able to quit the base.

@nikkitanoir 564860 wrote:

Hey, sorry I went into ‘sketchy mong been awake for 3 days’ mode last night!!! Kept looking at your msg to reply but read the same 3 words over & over about 35 times before I had to ‘step away from the phone’ hahaha I have always been really good at controlling it (after my cocaine addiction) I could usually have it in the house for weeks & not touch it or even think about it… But I am going through a weird stage in my life (since Feb) I have alot going on – have had an eye opener & seen my bf & friends for what they are really like & turns out they have been abusing my kindness & treating me like a door mat for years so I have finally got to the point in my life where I have enough confidence to stand up for myself & realise I’ll be happier abit lonely than to put up with anymore of their nasty using depressive ways, so I have removed the dickheads from my life & that ended up being every single person in my life… Can’t believe I’ve allowed them to get away with it for so many years without noticing!!! also, my grandad is currently very poorly in hospital with pneumonia & alzheimers… I visited him a week ago & was a real shock & very upsetting because he didn’t know who I was 🙁 I was put on a medicine that turned me loopy (well more loopy than normal!! lol) but it proper messed with my mind & I got worried I had a mental illness, & that really scares me because I know how weak I am & what my brain thinks of doing when I lose control like that & it’s not a nice thing & I never ever want to get so taken over by drugs/depression/mental illness etc because I don’t ever want to leave my son or dogs like that, it’s a cowards way out & I’d never wish that apon my son, he is already got enough issues without the permanent scarring of having his mum’s suicide burned into his brain… that’s why I need tostop the drugs because I can see it starting to take over & starting to affect my life so before I get in that sort of state I am making an effort to quit so to never hurt my boy. & over the past few months there has just been bad thing after bad thing crop up & that’s why I have been turning to the drugs recently & lost my willpower cause it’s just all been abit too much to handle… My mate tried to top herself the other day, she’s similar to me & having a similar time of it recently aswell & that made me feel really guilty cause I’ve got my head up my arse being selfish & getting cained I haven’t been to since June & I should understand that she needs her best friend around at the mo. I am slowly slipping into a dark place & everything else is getting forgotten or neglected & all just because I’m off my trolly instead!!! So what’s drugs are you addicted to? (sorry it’s an essay again, but it does feel sooooooo much better getting it all out finally) I’d tried talking to all my friends & mybf about my concerns & issues & not a single one believed how serious I was & never let me pour my heart out & just make matters worse.. hence why I don’t need those people in my life, my best friend & the love of my life wouldn’t even listen when I begged them I needed help & was upset about my grandad… they just ignored me, talked over me, fed me more drugs and/or made me have sex (who wants sex when they are in the middle of crying & trying to talk about her dying grandad!?!).. now what kind of people are they!?! I have felt so alone for years & I am finally free & able to open my heart finally to people who will listen & not judge you have no idea how much this means to me 🙂

No worries, I get you. I’ve suffered from insomnia for years and sometimes don’t sleep for days, and that’s without drugs. So yeah I know what sleep deprivation can do to you.

Thank you for sharing your story. Glad you feel better for letting it out 😉

It’s good to hear you have a strong motivation to turn things around; that will help you a lot. I can understand the shame you feel for allowing yourself to be so completely immersed in your drug taking, but there is no shame in being depressed or having any other mental illness. That is not something you’ve opted for, you’ve chosen to be depressed as much as your son has chosen to have ADHD. There are steps you can take though to end the cycle of negative thoughts and behaviour, and stopping the drugs would be a great first step. Don’t feel too guilty about your friend either, yes you ‘could’ have been a more supportive friend but you’ve also had your plate pretty full. It’s not like you hadn’t gone to see them just because you couldn’t be bothered. Now you’re aware of how much she needs help perhaps you could support each other?

I’m currently hooked on weed, pretty much a daily smoker. I have been for years. But I’m not strictly addicted to weed; more of a psychological addiction to intoxication in general, weed is just the next readily available thing after alcohol. Since I don’t like being drunk, I get stoned. But I can quit weed whenever I want, but usually within a few days I crave an escape from ‘reality’. I have pretty severe mental health problems, that I’ve had since I was 15 (3 years before I started taking any drugs). Drugs have fucked with me a fair bit, but I honestly believe if I hadn’t discovered them I wouldn’t be alive today. Although I acknowledge they are not a long term solution, so I’m seeking therapy.

@The Psyentist 564789 wrote:

Initially you do it because it sounds fun, but then you quickly realise it acts as an excellent escape from life’s bothers, once a month soon becomes once a week, which itself becomes daily use as life outside the high becomes too intense or anxiety based. Then you decide to get your shit together, but you can’t because the substance has been part of you for so long that existence without it is just a dark void. Sound at all familiar? Hmm, maybe I’m wrong but that’s pretty much how it goes for most substance abusers.

I absolutely agree with this.