So I woke up this afternoon hung over from a night of binge drinking and snorting about a gram and a half of coke. I felt guilty, depressed, defeated, overwhelmed, sad, disappointed and discouraged. I grabbed my phone and like most of us in today’s plastic society, Google’d “quit cocaine”. I found this thread and began to read the posts.
I find so many parallels between my story and the collective sentiment here. I’m not sure what the faith of those here is and i respect everyones opinion. I am a man who believes in The Most High and it weighs heavy on my heart qnd soul when I give into temptation. I know that its up to me to quit, I know to avoid my triggers, I know I’m an addict and i need help but I’m reluctant to attend rehab mostly because of the cost. I no longer hang with my coke buddies, I changed my number, but its like every 7 days I get that itch, and honestly I’m sick of failure.
I hype my self up every week telling my self I’m gonna quit… this is the week but as soon as the weekend comes and sometimes sooner I find my mind racing and reasoning and convincing my self to just call the coke man. I feel like a hypocrite. I pray all week and try to live upright and when I’m tempted I give in like a weakling. No one besides my ex friends knows this about me.
I thought getting rid of my friends would fix my problems but i find myself alone at home drinking and using. I’ve even had suicidal thoughts the day after using. I feel depressed and I’m needing to be free of this bondage. I regret ever using coke. I’m 31 I started at 16. I’m a banker and when I’m at work I put on this front like I’m well to do but inside I feel wicked.
I recently quit my job, i just want to work a physical job grow a beard and move far far away from Miami. The gentleman who mentioned the fact that coke follows you. Every one I meet wants to drink and every one does coke. I want to talk to my mother but I cqnt have her worried about me… I really needed to vent and i thank everyone here for being honest and showing me I’m not alone
