Steve Irwin gets attacked by a fish Steve Irwin gets attacked by a fish and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife." Bluey says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Bluey?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me," Bluey replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told Sheila her husband was dead and she gives you beer?"
"Well not exactly," Bluey says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'.
She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.' And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are'.
UK job adverts… Found these on a newsgroup; they were collected by someone searching for a job and are exactly as they appeared on various websites and mailing lists.
Newspaper advertised [in their own paper] for a "Deputy Cheif Sub" and a
strapline "You will need to be: Thorough but not pedantic"
"Proofreader" - ...you will be expected to accurately poof all documents
and correct speling and grammer... [via JCP]
"Departmental Manager" - ...a good motivator...you will take charge of
the Stationary Department... [via JCP]
"Network Technician" - ...must be expert at breaking networks...
[company website]
"Compliance Manager" - ... must have extensive experience in committing
fraud... [agency website]
"Data Entry Clerk" - ... must have scored close to 1% error free during
registration test... [agency website]
"Administrator" - ...remarkable individual required to aid in losing
documents... [via DGU]
"Warehouse Manager" - ...able to lift 56t unaided... [via JCP]
"Administration Manager" - ... should show previous experience close to
100% error. [via JCP]
"School Administrator" - ...accurate filleting an advantage... [via DGU]
"Helpdesk Operative" - ...previous experience of insulting clients
expected [via JCP]
"Administration Assistant" - ...must have 200 years office experience
[via JCP]
"Administrator" - ...must have Humane Killing certification... [via JCP]
(this one was actually for an abattoir near Taunton as the rest of the
text made clear. What it was doing under IT Technicians with a Wrexham
JCP code remains a mystery).
"Court Usher" - ...inclination to criminality expected... [via JCP]
"Document Proofreader" - Insert job text here [agency website]
(plus about 14 others with the same enticing text)
"Internet Engineer" - Must have 4+ years experience in something I can't
read. [via JCP].
"Administrator" - ...will be adept at dealing with inconvenient
documents [via DGU]
"Office Junior" - ...will suit recent graduate...no advancement possible
in this position... [via JCP]
"PA to Finance Manager" - ...must have knowledge of mice... [via JCP]
"Office Cleaner" - ...hover daily... [company website]
"Administrator" - ...must have excellent telephone and hair... [via JCP]
"Data Engineer" - ...must be experienced with bras... [via JCP]
"Filing Clerk" - ...must have cat due to location of office... [via DGU]
"Records Clerk" - ...will be working with certifiable staff... [agency
website]
"NVQ Assessor" - ...some torching of trainees... [agency website]
"Planner" - ...adept at sitting... [via JCP]
"Administrator" - ...must be used to busty office... [via JCP]
"Clerk" - ...ability to locate missing flies...[via JCP]
"School Clerk" - Lady administrator required for Girls School...will be
under the Headmaster most of the time... [agency website]
"Administrator" - ...Employer is a Cheese Processor...candidates must be
mature... [agency website]
"Senior Pensions Clerk" - ...must have good figure as Pensions Manager
will be looking at you. [via JCP]
"Administrator" - ...must have own telephone and cat... [via JCP]
"Administrator" - ...expected to sit. [via DGU]
"Computer Archive Administrator" - ...will be dealing with zips and
other flies... [agency website]
"Administrator" - ...quick leerer required... [via JCP]
"Compliance Clerk" - ...must be good at clock watching... [agency
website]
"Administrator" - ...ability to speak an advantage. [via JCP]
"Corporate Hospitality Clerk" - ...excellent when under people...
[agency website]
Sometimes job titles get shortened to fit in the space - eg Admin for
Administrator, Asst for Assistant or just get chopped off at the size
boundary. All from one agency...
"FM (Pension Dept) Admin Asst" - ...Finance Manager is looking for a
suitable ass to help...
"LEA Rec Off Prj Mgr Adm Asst"
"Recycling Administration Ass"
"Audio Typist & Secretary Fun"
"PA and Secretary for the Man"
Not an error in sight but my favourite and one that I applied for:
"Records Clerk" - Must have an enquiring mind and be keen to investigate
discrepancies and missing documents as the position involves checking
and fixing 6 months of filing by the previous encumbent. Temporary
position for as long as it takes. Immediate start. [agency website]
*JCP == Job Centre Plus website
*DGU == direct.gov.uk website
Bill hicks – Tells it like it is [yt]J10w3FuCwfQ[/yt]
drugs and music
[yt]jSH6ofHbeUw[/yt]
drugs evolution
[yt]TKft7nzWRvE[/yt]
I thought I'd give you 3 to click on . when you are there at youtube there are loads more you can watch as well. The man is a genius.
:crazy_dru :crazy_dru :crazy_dru :groucho: :groucho: :groucho: :groucho: :groucho:
Peace,love and unity
www.myspace.com/benbear76
American Gun Safety Sign apparently this is a real sign from a US prison.. or perhaps its a new safety law for US entertainment venues in case things get out of hand...
UK : SW : Cop sacked for dogging on duty! :you_crazy
Pc sacked for 'dogging' on duty
A police officer from Bristol has been sacked after he allegedly went "dogging" while on duty.
A police tribunal was told Pc Darren Lumber, 35, joined in with a man and a woman as they had sex in a car park at Sand Point, near Weston-super-Mare.
A senior officer branded his behaviour "disgraceful" at a disciplinary hearing on Tuesday.
Mr Lumber said he had "strongly denied this allegation from the start" and that he was appealing the decision.
Mr Lumber, who was a beat manager in Kewstoke, was investigated after a fellow member of staff became concerned about his behaviour.
The alleged incident took place last December.
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/england/bristol/5345518.stm
rizla website
http://rizla.co.uk/
some games on there to wind the work day away. http://rizla.co.uk/games/
check out the dj booth its quite funny
http://rizla.co.uk/dj_booth/
also the history of da skinz
http://rizla.co.uk/riztory/
We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.YesNoPrivacy policy
You can revoke your consent any time using the Revoke consent button.Revoke cookies
