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  • Muslim are not bad. And that 11th september incident was not doing by muslims

    @giakhan 978270 wrote:

    Muslim are not bad. And that 11th september incident was not doing by muslims

    Actually, the murderers religion doesn’t matter at all. These people were inhuman bastards, nothing else.

    [ATTACH=CONFIG]154886[/ATTACH]

    I went to the library and asked if they had the book about tiny penises…

    The librarian said, “I don’t think it’s in yet.”

    I said, “Yes, that’s the one.”

    A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, “Giraffe, my friend, Think about what you’re doing to yourself! Come with me running through the forest, you’ll see, you’ll feel so much better!”

    The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

    Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, “Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you’re doing to yourself! Come running with us through the pretty forest, you’ll see, you’ll feel so good!”

    The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

    The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. “Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you’re doing to yourself! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!”

    The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit. The giraffe and elephant watch in horror, then finally obtain the presence of mind to pull the lion off the rabbit.

    “Lion,” they reprimand, “why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!”

    The lion answers, “That little bastard has me running around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he’s on ice!”

    An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.

    The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, “Please, ma’am, may I sit in that seat?”

    The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, “You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can’t you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?”

    The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

    Again he asked, “Please, lady. May I sit there? I’m very tired.”
    The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, “You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!”

    The soldier didn’t say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

    The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

    An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, “You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.

    “And now, Sir, you’ve thrown the wrong bitch out the window.”

    We used to have empires ruled by emperors. We used to have kingdoms ruled by kings.

    Now we have countries.

    There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

    One day, a letter came addressed, in shaky handwriting, to God, with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

    The letter read:

    “Dear God,
    I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had 100 dollars in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check.
    Next Sunday is Easter and two of my old friends are coming over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.
    Can you please help me?
    Sincerely,
    Edna”

    Touched, the postal worker showed the letter to all the other workers.

    Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

    By the time he made the rounds, he had collected 96 dollars, which he put into an envelope and sent to the woman.

    The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

    Easter came and went.

    A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

    All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

    It read,

    “Dear God,
    How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice evening and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.
    By the way, there were 4 dollars missing. I think it must have been those bast––ds at the Post Office.”

    did tou hear about the Irish homosexual couple
    Michael Fitzpatrick and his life partner Patrick Fitzmichael

    Did you hear about the blonde who won the world hide and seek championship
    She was found dead in a cupboard

    Did you hear about the blonde who sat staring at a bottle of orange juice for 4 hours
    The label said “concentrate”

    Thought Osama Bin Laden was hide and seek champion…..

    @tryptameanie 981179 wrote:

    Thought Osama Bin Laden was hide and seek champion…..

    Anne Frank

    She didn’t even last 6 years in her hiding place, he lasted over 10

    what two types of RFID key are guaranteed to open any electronic door lock?

    A pike-key and a chink-key :laugh_at:

    (probably verging on what is PC on here but I have just pwned a very expensive RFID lock system at work so mine never expires and I hopefully should be able to clone loads of €2 keys rather than pay €20 for the legitimate ones raaa)

    :lol_big: v good gl…

    Whats the best part about fucking 36 year olds………..theres 30 of them! That one usually disgusts a couple people

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Forums The Vibe Jokes & Comedy Bad Joke Thread