there must be some kind of relationship counselling service but this an unusual situation.
Usually people either try to have monogamous relationships or admit they have open ones, and few partners would do this as a form of entrapment unless they wanted a divorce in the first place and I thought in USA its easy enough to get one. The amount of time elapsed between each incident, the repetition with some collusion and that you haven’t split up for other reasons is also strange. Assuming you’ve got a “western” background Its possibly caused by a long standing and unresolved conflict between traditional Germanic / Christian family values and the modern perception that “anything goes” in Western society since the 1960s
TBH both of you most likely need some form of counselling; even if what ultimately happens is that you admit the marriage is over and get the divorce (and can at least reduce the harm to each other when this happens). I’m aware of odd situations like this in Europe ending up in domestic violence and even fatalities; and situations where no cuckoldry has even occured but its suspected and its led to best friends physically attacking one another (sadly it can get worse when everyone is liberal minded and takes drugs/drinks lots) so its something best dealt with properly.
