Really like the guy; not attracted to his body

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Really like the guy; not attracted to his body

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September 13, 2011 at 6:17 am

#678310
1

yestosuns

@yestosuns

Member
So, I started seeing this new guy, who is funny, sweet, smart, and interesting.

We get along really well even though he’s almost 9 years older than me.

The problem is his body. He told me that he used to be fat a few years ago and then he suddenly lost a lot of weight without changing anything in his diet or lifestyle (male bulimia?) I really like him and we’ve made out a bunch, but when he takes off his shirt, I’m grossed out. He’s skinny and flabby, possibly with a beer belly, and chooses to be!

Although he admitted that he thinks he has “a body of an old man’s,” he doesn’t feel the need to work out because “there are more important things in life than to spend your time at a gym.” I suggested it’s healthy but he feels comfortable about the way he looks. He’s 29 and perfectly able; it’s not like he has a disability that doesn’t permit being fit.

I really want to have sex with him and I wish I didn’t get so turned off but I’m not able to get aroused looking at him like that. Not to sound vain, but I work out regularly and like to keep fit.

I reeeaaalllllly like him and I don’t want this to be an issue… I also don’t want to hurt his feelings and tell him that his body repulses me. Turning off the light doesn’t help because then I just feel his wiry body… and it might seem weird that every time he takes off his shirt, I want the light off. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.

WHAT SHOULD I DO???
September 13, 2011 at 6:51 am

#778912
1

p0ly

@p0ly

Participant
basically tell him you want to be in a relationship with a guy who works out a lot, blab some bullshit that you wanna do it with him then you can focus on the exercises which will make him better/nicer.

you could just tell the whole truth you think it’s ugly and he needs to sort it cos you’re vain and superficial.

you can split up with him

you can buy him cosmetic surgery.

wham bam, thank you maam.

p0ly
September 13, 2011 at 11:15 am

#778908
1

Louis Theroux

@louis-theroux

Participant
Yeah being honest is for the best but you might want to find out what he’s like in bed first. You’ll never how it is between you until you try… 🙂
September 13, 2011 at 6:13 pm

#778910
1

Tank Girl

@tank-girl

Member
If he is happy with his body why should he change just because you want him to???

If he changes it should be because he wants to –

how would you feel if you were happy with yourself and your partner said you needed to work out?

sounds like you both have very different expectations and beliefs….

you “realllllllly like him – and dont want this to be an issue”? – well it already is – as you wouldnt have posted here if it wasnt…

up to you – you decide whether he as a whole person is the package you want – or if he isnt –

different people have differnt thoughts on this kind a thing – no one is gonna be able to answer your question other than yourself…..
September 14, 2011 at 11:16 am

#778920
1

manaman

@manaman

Member
Whats more important than the gym? Sat in front of the tv, or is he out doing interesting things?This fine thing hit on me once, but i had to quit smoking, all i wanted was the ride so i didnt bother.Prehaps thats how he feels, would it hurt you to find out he’d said to one of his mates that, ‘she’s got a fine body, but she thinks alot of herself.I know a fat guy who’s comfortable with his body, and if you suggested he went to the gym,he’d say sure, if you’ll be my bench.Relationship is self discovery, your young and you’ll get hit in heart,Dont try to block the punches, if you dont expose yourself completely to a relationship you will never know love
September 14, 2011 at 1:43 pm

#778900
[deleted]

@[deleted]

Guest
[ATTACH=CONFIG]80791[/ATTACH]
September 14, 2011 at 1:49 pm

#778909
1

Raj

@raj

Member
Don’t get into thinking you can change your partner – you liked him for who he was when you met him and now you have decided he is not fit enough for you – that’s pretty shallow where I am seeing it from

So why not go away and let him find someone who cherishes him for who he is not what he looks like?
September 15, 2011 at 3:39 am

#778921
1

yestosuns

@yestosuns

Member
I just met him a few weeks ago… he never changed his appearance since I’ve met him. And he’s also not by any means fat…
I had a boyfriend whom I dated for two years who I wasn’t so attracted to but his flaws became cute and endearing after we started dating. However, for this guy, I’m literally scared to see what his body looks like. I don’t mind not having sex with him. I really like spending time with him not having sex but I’m pretty sure he wants to… at some point, at least. I guess, I’ll see how it goes…
September 19, 2011 at 12:18 am

#778913
1

p0ly

@p0ly

Participant
@yestosuns 451171 wrote:

I just met him a few weeks ago… he never changed his appearance since I’ve met him. And he’s also not by any means fat…
I had a boyfriend whom I dated for two years who I wasn’t so attracted to but his flaws became cute and endearing after we started dating. However, for this guy, I’m literally scared to see what his body looks like. I don’t mind not having sex with him. I really like spending time with him not having sex but I’m pretty sure he wants to… at some point, at least. I guess, I’ll see how it goes…

so he might actually be well good looking :p
September 19, 2011 at 3:27 pm

#778916
1

Minghead

@minghead

Member
@yestosuns 451006 wrote:

So, I started seeing this new guy, who is funny, sweet, smart, and interesting. We get along really well even though he’s almost 9 years older than me. The problem is his body. He told me that he used to be fat a few years ago and then he suddenly lost a lot of weight without changing anything in his diet or lifestyle (male bulimia?) I really like him and we’ve made out a bunch, but when he takes off his shirt, I’m grossed out. He’s skinny and flabby, possibly with a beer belly, and chooses to be! Although he admitted that he thinks he has “a body of an old man’s,” he doesn’t feel the need to work out because “there are more important things in life than to spend your time at a gym.” I suggested it’s healthy but he feels comfortable about the way he looks. He’s 29 and perfectly able; it’s not like he has a disability that doesn’t permit being fit. I really want to have sex with him and I wish I didn’t get so turned off but I’m not able to get aroused looking at him like that. Not to sound vain, but I work out regularly and like to keep fit. I reeeaaalllllly like him and I don’t want this to be an issue… I also don’t want to hurt his feelings and tell him that his body repulses me. Turning off the light doesn’t help because then I just feel his wiry body… and it might seem weird that every time he takes off his shirt, I want the light off. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. WHAT SHOULD I DO???

i think you should take youself of and have a word!

you said yourself this bloke all of a sudden got skinny and suggested that it may be due to an illness maybe a bit of consideration for how this happened might be in order and if theres any hangovers for this poor bloke. Also youve said you really like him, tbh if you really like him that much, a lil bit of flab (youve said yourself hes by no means fat) shouldnt be an issue.

if your as fit as you make out you are, hes proberbly aware that hes punching above his weight, as long as hes not a total dick kid gloves may be awise idea!
September 19, 2011 at 3:27 pm

#778914
1

p0ly

@p0ly

Participant
Please fuck him.
September 19, 2011 at 3:45 pm

#778917
1

Minghead

@minghead

Member
for the sake of all of us podgy uber white beer swillers fuck him and fuck him good!!

rat out etc etc
September 19, 2011 at 9:20 pm

#778918
1

Voodoomonkey

@voodoomonkey

Member
People may not agree but if im not attracted to someone (for whatever reason) i dont see them as a potential partner. Its not being vain its just following my instincts…and ive even finished (broken up) with people over what others will see as shitty reasons, but for me they’re important.

Ill be honest with you a girl i was seeing (ive mentioned her before on here, lasted 3 weeks she stalked me blah blah blah) had a very similar problem your guy did….she was a big lass but her ex put her down so much she turned anorexic and had that flabby skin thing u mentioned. I didnt find this out till after a week of seeing her (i was drunk or on various drugs so cannot remember sleeping with her) but when i did i felt the same, but i decided to ‘give it a go’. I boned her sobre and it wasnt very good, her body did bother me, plus she got very clingy saying she loved me….all that bullcrap, which did me a favour and i blamed that on our breakup……she then stalked me for 3 years (anyhow thats bidybags problem now hahaha i gave him her number to text LOL)

One of your phrases brought back memories and repulsed me, ‘he thinks he has the body of an old mans’, well i can relate there my ex did, i wont go into details its not her fault.

Im not prefect myself (fuckin far from it) but i can understand your feelings and id let him down gently, but then again im also a dick when it comes to this sort of thing. If someone asked if i went back in time would i have done things differently with said ex, well id still have slept with her knowing what i did but wouldnt have started dating her….hey that may even be your answer….see how good he is in bed first (my ex was shit). You never know he may be an ugly fucker….but an ugly fucker with a 10″ dick and awesome in bed.

Ive even done some research for answers to your dilemma and have another……BEER GOGGLES, from the website (2nd hit on google)

Novelty ‘Beer Glass’ glasses for a fancy dress night on the town, UK

How do Beer Goggles work?

To put it simply, when you have drunk enough beer even the most unattractive person appears to be utterly gorgeous!

now u can have the best of both worlds, see him in an attractive way and get the benefits of his personality….oh and dont forget to wear during sex, either that or keep your eyes closed.

xxx
September 19, 2011 at 10:09 pm

#778911
1

Tank Girl

@tank-girl

Member
@Voodoomonkey 451865 wrote:

People may not agree but if im not attracted to someone (for whatever reason) i dont see them as a potential partner. Its not being vain its just following my instincts…and ive even finished (broken up) with people over what others will see as shitty reasons, but for me they’re important.

I think this is honest though – better than trying to get someone to change for you

esp if they are happy to saty the way they are, or arnt motivted to change for themselves,

as we cant change others and why should we…. esp if they ok with how they are…

our responsibility is to stay or go….
September 19, 2011 at 10:14 pm

#778919
1

Voodoomonkey

@voodoomonkey

Member
@Tank Girl 451871 wrote:

I think this is honest though – better than trying to get someone to change for you

esp if they are happy to saty the way they are, or arnt motivted to change for themselves,

as we cant change others and why should we…. esp if they ok with how they are…

our responsibility is to stay or go….

Yeah that explains it a lot better than i did hehe 😀
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