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advice needed PLEASE PEOPLE! fuk knos what im gonna do :(
okay so not november jus gone but the one before i split with my fiance of 5 years (1st love with him since 14, lived together etc) it was a messy breakup, he really was a cunt (sorry!) to me. a few months after the split i start getting closer to an aquaintece that hung with my circle of friends, we got close, started speanding most days together sleeping togther etc....i was really sure i wanted this, he was unsure, then he was on it and i was unsure, i decided that it was way too soon after my ex to get into anything serious, so we agreed to stay frineds, still sleep together but thats it, we shared an amazing summer together and i had never been this close to a man other than my ex, but i knew i didnt feel like i could fall in love again so quickly.....by this time he had fallen in love with me and wanted us to be together, but i just coulndt make that commitment.
We came to the conclusion that it was great while it lasted but it would stop as we were moving to differnt cities. We kept in touch still very close, talking everyday and anytime i went to his city or he came to mine we would always end up sleeping together. Then finally i could see it wasnt good for either of us to be carrying on like this, it was clouding my head and he was hurting as he loved me and really wanted us to be together. So i decided to lay it donw straight and tell him nothing is ever going to happen (in my head i felt that maybe i was making a wrong decsiion, he is an amazingly good man, gorgeous, kind, caring, he would really look after me, but i go with my feelings and instinct, my emotions rule me and it just didnt feel 100% right)
So we agree to stay firm friends, but ease up on the phonecalls...
so we have abreak and then get back in touch, gettin on great again and i remember how much i love this guy. time passes (few months)
Then he tells me hes met a girl at a party and they clicked instantly and he really likes her, and was really happy. then something switched inside me i hated it. He had been with other girls off and on while we were of and on and it never bothered me. But this time it was somthig different, i hadnt felt this much strong felings towards him before, i was jelous and scared id lost him and it would be too late, i felt i wanted him so much and felt i had been so stupid not see what had been right in front of me. So i made a grand gesture jumped on a coach to surprise him, turned up n his doorstep to talk things over and stay, and he said that he would need time to get his head around it all... me just changing all of a sundden. So he never saw the girl again...
So, now we're together its been 3 weeks, and already i know that it wasnt a realization of how in love i was with him, but just the green eyed monster in its worst possible form.........
especially after going to raindance this weekned and out of the blue meeting the most beautiful guy whom i clicked with straight away and cant stop thinking about...
i feel like a compleate bitch, eaten up with guilt, and was so stupid and made such a rash decision at a silly time. The guy has been my best friend for a year and i have alreday caused him pain was i wasnt ready to commit in the past, never intentionally have i ever messed him around, i just find it hard to decipher my feelings, so have alwyas been straight with him.
arrrgh, what the fuk have i done and what am i going to do now....
i dont feel like i can just call it off, i really cant, especailly as we have the same group of frineds and everyone said to me 'look you had better be serious about it this time, coz you'll really hurt him if not' Us getting together at last, all our frineds are really happy for us and its been made into a big deal....
i feel that now i should at least give it a go?? he DOES make me happy, he makes me laugh and i do love him, i just dont feel 'IN LOVE' with him, kno what i mean. and now i feel like he could of been really happy with that girl and i could be hapy with this new guy....
what a mess.....any advice very welcome, asap!
:) thanks in advance
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February 22, 2007 at 12:43 am
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Need some advice..
Ok people bare with me, this may get a bit long, but I appreciate any and all comments so long as they're not full of shit. :)
Four and a half months ago I started seeing a girl I was crazy about. Eventually she became my girlfriend and things were going great. Having a girlfriend, for me, shows how much I liked her cause she was only the 3rd gf I've ever had (I'm 24 btw). I'll only settle down if a girl's worth it, and this one definitely was. Anyway, the relationship ended only 10 days after we officially became a couple and in all I knew her for about a month, a month and a half, around..so it wasn't anything really long.
To be honest with you, in the last week prior to the break-up I felt something was wrong, something was bothering her..but i just didnt know what. After going to new york with her classmates and reflecting upon what she wanted, she told me she wasn't ready for a relationship just yet. She felt she was still so young, wanted to explore, have fun, bla bla bla...I was so sad that I didn't even bother really contemplating whether or not her reasons made any sense at all, which they didn't. Once it sunk it I knew she wasn't telling me the truth, so 2 months after the break up I asked her to be up front with me and tell me the truth. She said the reason why she broke up with me was because she still had feelings for her ex..and he was in the back of her mind. She told me she wouldve been miserable had she stayed with me (b/c of that guy) and felt I didn't deserve that, so she ended it.
About a 1.5 months ago she ended all contact with that ex she still had feelings for. No msn, no phone..nothing. She wanted to completely cut him out of her life..and that was a bold move on her part cause she's not the type to cut ppl out of her life.
Now, she's seeing someone else. To tell you the truth, i'm not jealous at all..i kinda want her to see other guys and realize that they just don't measure up to me. I'm sorry if i sound cocky, but I just know I can out-class and out-measure most of the guys out there. Anyways, I've been on so many dates since our break up I can't even count..but every time i was with another girl I just thought to myself how it just wasnt the same, i didnt feel the same way as i felt for that girl. We only saw each other for a month or so but I just KNOW that there's something special there, and it troubles me that we didnt even give it a shot, that we didnt even give it a chance to see what was meant to be.
Now, you may say that she just doesnt dig you, but I KNOW for a fact she did, she was so happy..i could see it in her face, and she told me herself..this asshole ex of hers got in the way unfortunately. By the way, since we've been broken up I've also learned (dont ask me how) that she wouldnt wanna marry anyone other than someone from her religion (christianity). I'm not christian, dont know if that affected things.
I've never felt this way about a girl EVER..my friends all told me the same thing, that they never saw me happier..and it's so deflating that it's come to this.
What i wanna know from you guys is, should I just give up on this? Is it a losing battle in pursuing her?
When we broke up I gave her her space that she asked for. I wasn't one of those psycho ex-bf's that constantly called her and begged her to come back..im not that type of guy. I wasnt possessive at all. I would love nothing more than to just pick up where we left off..but if her heart isnt in it then I want no part of it.
In the meanwhile I'll be looking to date whatever girl interests me, but she's at the top of my list, and I don't see her moving from that #1 spot any time soon.
Is there any point in hoping for something to happen between us, or should I just move on for good?
If we end up back together, and things dont work out in the end, then I can leave with my head held high and leave no regrets, knowing that we gave it a shot and that it just didnt work out. But not knowing what could have been just bothers me, especially since I know that there's so much potential.
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August 6, 2006 at 9:10 pm
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