@The Psyientist 502146 wrote:
But what do peeps think? And sorry for the morbid post.
I think you are doing the best you can to come to terms with a rough start in life.
I think you are not the same person who snapped and punched their step-Dad on the nose. And I can see why you did it, and you’re certainly not the only teenager who got angry with a parent.
I think that now you recognise when you are angry, and have learned some coping methods. If you don’t know these yet, it’s my attempt to help;-
1) When angry, concentrate on your breathing. You need oxygen. If you keep talking, stressed out, the body stresses you to get more oxygen. So just by making sure you are breathing deep, you are helping to calm yourself.
2) When other people are angry, maintain your composure. Don’t let them “drag you into their drama”. That doesn’t mean you have to ignore them – sometimes that can be seen as an insult, a “disrespect”. A good opener is “I can see that you are angry. What made you angry? Was it something I did?” which lets them get their little episode off their chest. Most dramas are NOT life threatening, and people use drama to gain sympathy. Snag is, people have a self defence against this (ignorance) which in itself can lead to conflict.
3) Gain inspiration from others who have had a tough time in life. One particular golden source for me was “McIndoe’s Army”, which listed the lives of a few of the hundreds of WW2 servicemen who had received severe burns and other disfigurements and had to learn to accept what the plastic surgeon of the day (McIndoe himself) could and could not do to alleviate their suffering.
“Jah made us all to hurt”. We are all vulnerable to feeling pain, both in ourselves and in others (empathy).
“Jah made us all to heal”. Human beings are incredibly adaptable, hard to kill, and have a huge capacity for change, both themselves and their environment.
Now, the next bit is a theoretical model, based on fiction, but it’s quite a useful model. Think of there being 4 basic ways human beings interact;-
1) Physical, emotional, or psychological bullying or intimidation. Threats. Put downs. All down to instill fear.
2) The reverse of the above is “Poor me”. “Hey! I don’t deserve your shit. I get plenty of hard times from other people. Why you giving me a hard time?”
3) Interrogation – asking questions – can also allow a flow of information. Sometimes it’s just sharing the horrible facts that make us feel better, and a skilled interogator can find the right questions to get to root causes – sometimes just the perceived root cause, often the real root cause is too horrible or just too silly to share.
4) Aloofness – the reverse of the above is to not answer questions, to not interact, to remain aloof. The snag with aloofs is (and I’ve overused this strategy often) is that it doesn’t allow change or growth, it’s kind of pure ignorance of any kind of problem.
