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Forums Life Jokes & Humour write me a joke

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  • GoodDoG wrote:
    A succesfull lawyer pulls up outside of work in his brand new lexus,as he finishes parking and gets out a truck whizzes by and tears the drivers side door off.
    The lawyer immediatly whips out his mobile and calls the police.When the police arrive the lawyer starts to rant about how his beloved lexus is never going to be the same again no matter how good a job the body shop does.
    I cant believe you lawyers says the policeman youre all So materialistic,how so says the lawyer,well says the policeman your stood here ranting about damage to your car when all along youve not noticed that in the accident youve had your lower arm completely torn off,AAAARRRGGHHH!! says the lawyer,WHERES MY ROLEX:wink:

    hahahaa!! thats funny…raaa


      Staff

      Men are just simply happier people, and here is why…
      Your last name stays put.
      The garage is all yours.
      Wedding plans take care of themselves.
      Chocolate is just another snack.
      You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
      You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
      Car Mechanics tell you the truth.
      The world is your urinal.
      You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
      You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
      Same work, more pay.
      Wrinkles add character.
      Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
      People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.
      The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
      New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
      One mood all the time.
      Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.
      You know stuff about tanks.
      A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
      You can open all of your own jars.
      You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
      If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
      Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
      Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
      You never have strap problems in public.
      You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
      Everything on your face stays its original color.
      The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.
      You only have to shave your face and neck.
      You can play with toys all your life.
      Your belly usually hides your big hips.
      One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
      You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
      You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
      You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
      You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
      No wonder men are happier!

      *You're my favorite place to go to when my mind searches for peace *


        Staff
        A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
        As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband,
        “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”
        The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”
        Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”
        He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”

        Sorry..i’m very ashamed:hopeless:

        *You're my favorite place to go to when my mind searches for peace *

        angel wrote:
        A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
        As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband,
        “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”
        The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”
        Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”
        He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”

        Sorry..i’m very ashamed:hopeless:

        Heheh no need to be ashamed angel i like it, it appeals to my sense of humor lol

        :laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::devil_wag:devil_wag:devil_wag:devil_wag:devil_wag


          Staff
          Acidfairy wrote:
          Heheh no need to be ashamed angel i like it, it appeals to my sense of humor lol

          Well AF how about this one..

          I’m ashamed already..

          Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw.
          So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him,
          but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
          He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”,
          then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor
          nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.
          The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says,
          “What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”.
          The other guy says, “I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”:satisfied

          :shy: :shy: :shy:

          *You're my favorite place to go to when my mind searches for peace *

          :laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:

          what is the name of the superfluous piece of useless skin that is attached to the end of a penis?
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          A Man

          Hmmm, see’s the useless thing attached to my penis is usually my gf.

          nice thread!

          Don’t remember this thread. Has anyone had to write jokes now David Cameron is in number 10?

          what’s the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies? you can’t unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitch fork.

          Two cannibals eating a clown one turns to the other and says “does this taste funny to you?”

          hmmm very big shoe

          a police officer in America was interrogating a 13 year old boy who said he wanted to get an STD off a prostitute, he said first I’ll get a disease off her then I’ll give it to the baby sitter, she’ll give it to my dad, my dad will give it to my mom and mom will give it to the gardener and that’s the fucker I’m trying to get BECAUSE HE SQUASHED MY FROG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          Oh great, a recurring parasite.

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