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  • one hot summer day, superman is flying around the city when he sees wonder women sun bathing totally naked on a rooftop. Feeling super horny he flies down and gives her a quick but good seein to, before flying off.
    “What the hell was that???” She cried
    “I dont know but now i’ve got a very sore ass” replied the invisible man

    RATFLMAO
    :groucho: :groucho: :groucho:

    A man goes to the doctor with a terrible headache,and after diagnosing him the doctor says his testicles are pushing against his spine which in turn is causing the headaches,he explains that the only cure is to remove the testicles.so reluctantly the man agrees to the procedure and several days later is wandering along minus his testicles feeling a little depressed.
    I know he thinks I will treat myself to a new outfit to cheer me up.
    So he enters a taylors and enquires after a new suit and is amazed when the assistant guesses the exact size of the suit he requires,Thats amazing says the man how did you know,Its my job replies the assistant.
    Pleased with the suit the man asks after a shirt to match,again the assistant guesses the exact size he needs,again he says amazing how did you know,its my job replies the assistant.
    pleased with the shirt he asks after shoes,certainly says the assistant size 9 1/2 isnt it?,amazing says the man how can you tell,its my job says the assistant.
    Pleased with all his purchases the man thinks new underwear will complete his new outfit,Certainly says the assistant 32 inch waist? Oh No1 says the man Ive always worn 28 inch waist,thats impossible says the assistant they would push your testicles against your spine and give you the most awfull headaches.

    Three men are captured by a tribe in the jungle the chief of the tribe says they are all three to bring him somthin nice to eat or suffer the consequences.
    So the three disapear into the jungle to find food.After a while one of them returns with a bunch of grapes,The chief tastes one,spits it out and says disgusting shove the rest up his arse which the man finds most uncomfortable, whilst this is going on another of the three returns with apples,the chief tastes one spits it out and says shove the rest up his arse whilst this is going on the first man notices he is screaming with laughter and says “why the laughter,Ive just had grapes shoved up my arse which is most uncomfortable but apples”,to which the second man replies “I Know but Ive just Spotted dick coming down the track with a basket full of melons.”

    speaking of arses

    There’s a world that’s like no other
    Up my arse.
    There’s a big black hairy mother
    Up my arse.
    There’s a privet and a thicket,
    There’s a dozen games of cricket,
    There’s a sofa, there’s a dwarf,
    There’s a river, there’s a wharf,
    There’s a bucket full of pike,
    There’s a vicar on a bike.
    I think that you would like
    It up my arse.

    There’s a badly wounded pigeon
    Up my arse.
    There’s an oven and a fridge on
    Up my arse.
    There’s a robust village squire
    And a roaring fake log fire
    And a pair of turtle doves,
    Oh, I know that you would love
    It up my arse.

    There’s a tiny Burmese pony
    Up my arse.
    There’s a granny who’s quite bony
    Up my arse.
    There’s a haddock with a hat on,
    A soldier with a baton,
    A fish that’s lost its key,
    You really should come see
    What’s up my arse.

    There’s a roundabout with horses
    Up my arse
    There’s a wealth of different sauces
    Up my arse.
    There’s a ferret in a pickle,
    Mr. Small and Mr.Tickle,
    A rabbit and a gnome,
    Oh, it really feels at home
    Here up my arse

    :weee:

    :laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at::laugh_at:


      Staff

      :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at:

      What animal has a cock in the middle of its back?

      Policehorse

      I feel like I am taking a ride on Lollercoaster everytime I read the jokes here…

      All the best to the bus driver from birmingham who turned up at his wedding in the double decker he was driving when he first met his wife. Dont think they’ll be having kids as he kept pulling out without warning!

      LOL :wink::wink::wink::wink:


        Staff

        :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at:

        It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
        The butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, “I’ll be 16 tomorrow.”
        “I know,” said the butcher with a smile, “I’ve been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she’ll get, and watch the expression on her face.”

        When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, “Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!”


          Staff

          that is so evil…but i like it :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at: :laugh_at:

          how do u kill a circus

          go for the juggler

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        Forums Life Jokes & Humour write me a joke